


Memories

by Love_is_love28



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eleanor is cool in this fic, Friends to Lovers, M/M, One Direction Hiatus, Strangers to Friends, no hate towards Eleanor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:34:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25537390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_is_love28/pseuds/Love_is_love28
Summary: Harry and Louis haven't really spoken to each other in over four years. They both succesfully moved on with other people, but when the 'ten years reunion' is just around the corner, certain memories get triggered.With the help of Liam and Niall, Louis and Harry finally see each other again.But will their memories help them or keep them from finding themselves in the heart of the other again?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 15
Kudos: 82





	1. Hey. It's been a while..

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Larries!
> 
> This fic is inspired on Louis' recent tweet, about him watching old 1D content back. Also I wanted to make a hiatus fic in which I write down my true thoughts about Louis' and Harry's relationship, and how they'd possibly got back in contact. 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0QqNoyKMyDdc25d9ODPkNe?si=XOefDaaSSZafMC1tdiOjeA this playlist serves as my inspiration, which I listen to while writing this. It' s called 'Memories'.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!  
> I certainly enjoyed writing it.

_Bleep. Bleep._

> **Niall and the potatoes🌭** (Nialler, Payno, you + 0147… )
> 
> **Nialler:** _I’m a bit nervous y’all_
> 
> **Nialler:** _What if they don’t like it or get disappointed or smth_
> 
> **You:** [ **Nialler:** I’m a bit nervous y’all] _Same_
> 
> **You:** _but I think it’ll work out Nialler_
> 
> **You:** _We did our best_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Yeah_
> 
> **Nialler:** _It’s weird that it’s almost been 10 years_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Had a lot of memories coming back past week_
> 
> **Payno:** [ **Nialler:** It’s weird that it’s almost been 10 years] 😱
> 
> **Payno:** _and five years since the hiatus as well_
> 
> **Payno:** _Time flies_
> 
> **Payno:** [ **Nialler** : Had a lot of memories coming back past week] _I don’t think that’s crazy considering all the videos fans post on youtube these days_

Louis chuckles at the way the messages coming from Liam are sent just as quickly as he talks.

> **Niall and the potatoes🌭 (** Nialler, Payno, you + 0147…)
> 
> **You:** _**@Payno** you love watching the fan vids, don’t you? _**;)**
> 
> **Payno:** _What can I say? Some are actually really good_ 😊
> 
> **Nialler:** _U also watching old interviews and performances back?_
> 
> **Payno:** _Yeah sometimes_
> 
> **Nialler:** _**@LouisT** and you? _
> 
> **You:** _Nah not really actually_
> 
> **Payno:** 😱
> 
> **Nialler:** _ahhh Tommo_
> 
> **Nialler:** _You really should_
> 
> **You:** _Watching old interviews back of **@Nialler** laughing for no reason for 40 minutes straight and **@Payno** talking faster than lightning? Yeah great _
> 
> **Payno:** _Eyyy that’s not true_ 😧
> 
> **Nialler:** 😑
> 
> **Nialler:** _Just do it. If only tomorrow_
> 
> **Nialler:** _for celebrating_

Louis bit the inside of his mouth, and looked at the wall for a bit. He hasn’t watched an interview or one direction related video since- well he can’t even remember. It’ll probably be crinchworthy and…something else.

But he knows the boys and especially the fans would love it if he did watch some. And Louis has to admit he’s been thinking about the past more than he should really.

> **Niall and the potatoes🌭 (** Nialler, Payno, you + 0147…)
> 
> **You:** _Alright_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Yeahhhh Tommo!!_
> 
> **Nialler:** _That’s the spirit!_
> 
> **Nialler:** _I knew you’d say yes!_
> 
> **You:** _I could always take back my words if you don’t shut up Niall_
> 
> **Nialler:** *** _This message was deleted_ ***

Louis fondly rolled his eyes at that.

He then lets out a sigh, as he looks at the members of the group chat. Almost ten years…

But tomorrow is the day to relive the past. Not today.

No, today is just a normal day.

Today, Louis is going to enjoy the present: the fact that he doesn’t belong with Syco anymore (he smiles when he thinks of all the names the fans have made up for Simon). ‘Simon Cowbell’ is his favorite. For some reason the fans just know everything.

Louis takes Clifford and Bruce out for a walk and his eyes light up at the sight of the the beautiful summer evening. Normally Eleanor walks with the dogs at night, so this is a nice change.

The sun is starting to set, which gives the park a nice and warm theme. Through the leaves of the trees nearby Louis could see the passionate colors of the sun and as he inhaled the fresh smell of the night, he almost felt invited to just stay there: to lay in the grass and forget about everything for a while. Just listening to the birds and hearing the dandelion seeds wifting through the wind…

*

_“Haz, stop! It’s in my mouth!” I snorted._

_“Well, maybe you should stop talking for once, then!” his eyes were shining brightly, as he continued to sprinkle dandelion seeds on my face._

_Another few seeds reached my mouth, causing me to snort again._

_I could swear his smile became even bigger. It made the sunset seem like a simple law of nature._

_“You’re beautiful, Lou.”_

_“and you’re a sap”, although the look he was giving me made my heart just that little bit warmer. “You’re not so bad yourself, curly.” I winked._

_Eventually the sun was nowhere to be seen anymore, but we both didn’t make movements to leave. We had our hands intertwined and I played with his hair a bit, while Harry was looking at the sky with a soft expression._

_“Those trees look different this evening, don’t you think?”_

*

Yeah, they do.

Louis walked away from the park and almost went straight to bed once he got home.

* * *

Louis woke up to around 50 texts, which was obviously way more than usual, but it was nothing compared to all the tweets and DM’s he got.

It’s the 23th of July, he reminded himself. Ten years. Their ten years anniversary. Today it’s been ten years.

Holy shit.

Most of the texts were from his family, but he obviously also had a few texts from Niall, Liam and Eleanor.

> **Nialler:** _Tommo, u r gonna watch some old footage today right?_
> 
> **Nialler** : _Watch this:_ **<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=329xjDM7YaE> **
> 
> **You** : _Will do mate, love ya_
> 
> **You** : _10 years_
> 
> **Nialler** : _10 years_
> 
> **Nialler:** _love you too man x_

> **Payno:** _Tommoooo! Happy anniversary!_ 🤩🤩
> 
> _I’ll call you in the afternoon?_
> 
> **Payno:** _After you watched some videos of course_ 😉
> 
> **Payno:** _You’re still doing that right?_
> 
> **Payno** : _I highly recommend this one:_ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6olJ8UmFap8>
> 
> **You:** _Morning, Payno. Can’t wait for your call_ **:)**
> 
> **You:** _I’ll make sure to watch it._
> 
> **Payno:** _Look at the comments also_

> **El <3:** _Happy anniversary Louuuuu! I’m so proud of you, babe! XX_
> 
> **Louis:** _Thanks El. Crazy how fast the night changes, right?_ **:)**

Louis just wanted to put his phone away when he saw he got a message from Harry, which is technically normal. After all, they were- are in the same band. And it’s not like Harry never texts him- they wish each other a ‘ _happy birthday_ ’ and _‘congrats on the album’_ of course, but a few months ago they also texted about Harry’s hairstyle that was very similar to Louis’.

Come to think of it, that was the last time they had a ‘conversation’.

Not that it matters of course, it’s not like they’re still in each other’s life.

Louis still didn’t expect much, so the fact that he even got a text from him was…

Surprising.

> **0147…:** _Happy anniversary, Louis._

*

_“Lou?” Harry looks at me with unsure eyes. He moves a bit closer to me, snuggling in my chest._

_I wrap the blanket a little bit more over his shoulder, because it fell off during his movements._

_“Yeah, what is it Haz?”_

_“Do you ever wonder if in about ten years we’ll still be like..” Harry bites his lip and fidgets a bit with the sleeves of my shirt he’s wearing, which don’t exactly cover his whole wrists anymore. How much he’s grown the past year.._

_“this?”_

_I gently took his hands in mine, so he stopped fidgeting. I noticed his hands were starting to become bigger than mine. I squeezed them and looked him in the eyes._

_“I hope so, curly.”_

*

It was like some kind of knot has made its way inside of Louis, causing Louis to have less space to breathe.

> **You:** _Thx. You too, mate_

Louis put his phone away, and grabbed his laptop.

He knew that looking at old footage wouldn’t help him ignore the feeling in his stomach, but maybe he didn’t want to ignore it this time.

After all, today is the day to relive these memories, and after this day it’ll go away.

Louis is sure of it.

He starts with the video Niall had sent him. It was the Carpool Karaoke with James Cordon from 2015. Of course, how could he forget?

It instantly brings a smile to his face.

Maybe this was a good idea after all.

He remembers he always enjoyed the interviews (and everything really) they did with James. James was kinda like their uncle, and a far better uncle than Simon would ever be.

So, naturally he grinned while James was playing his opening scene.

Louis desperately tried to focus on a younger, blonde Niall and Liam interact with each other. He loved to see them goofing around and singing. He really did. But no matter how hard Louis was trying, he couldn’t just focus solely on them.

Because right there, in the middle seat sat someone Louis hasn’t properly had a conversation with since around that time the video was made.

5 years ago.

And he couldn’t ignore him. Hell- he couldn’t even look away after he took his first glance.

He couldn't look away from the eyes that were brimming with a life Louis once shared _with_ him or his long, slender legs that made Harry just… _Harry_. And from the words he sang with the lips Louis had kissed _daily_ , all those years ago, or his long curly hair that Louis touched and even caressed _every_ day in their shared room.

*

_“Could you hand me the green one?”_

_“Coming up!” Harry, careful not to move his head, grabbed the green bandana from where it was laying with the other 30. He handed it to me, brushing lightly against my hand while doing so. “Shall I tell Niall we’ll be there at six?”_

_“Sounds good to me.”_

_I ran my fingers through his hair a few times more, to make sure there weren’t any knots left, and smiled proudly, “It’s starting to get really long, Haz.”_

*

It always smelt so good too.

Will it still smell the same?

Louis clicked the video away, and opened the link Liam sent him.

It was a live performance of ‘No Control’.

He felt his cheeks burn while reading through the comments.

_‘this song was made for louis’ voice’_

_‘No Control is Louis Tomlinson ft. One Direction’_

_‘Louis solo at the end is everything’_

Louis quickly sends a _‘tnx mate, for the video x’_ to Liam after he scrolled a bit through the comments.

Then Louis got an idea: why doesn’t he watch all the music videos they’ve ever done?

He moved his legs, so he could sit more upright on his kitchen chair, and typed down the words: ‘What makes you beautiful videoclip by 1D’ in the search bar.

It was the very first music video they ever did.

Such a long time ago. But even then, he could already sense Zayn didn’t enjoy it the way the others did.

Louis could feel his heart beating along with the music videos he was watching. He’d grabbed a cup of coffee, and was now watching ‘Live while were young’.

He tried to concentrate on the beat of the song, or Zayn’s beautiful high notes, but he knew he’d already lost himself at the very first shot. And he knew there was just one word to describe it.

And suddenly, the black spot he was met with when he closed his eyes was far more interesting for Louis than the screen.

*

_“Hey, Hazza, wake up.”_

_I sat upright and began to stroke his hair, which probably just made him sleepier, but I couldn’t really help it. “Curly, we promised yesterday we’d be up before noon. It’s already-” I checked my phone, and started giggling, “11:30.”_

_“Mwrmbl, change of plans…” Harry protested with his deep voice, as he turned around so he was facing me. He pulled the blankets even higher, so far his face was almost completely hidden under the blanket._

_I could feel my lips turning into a smile that only appeared when I was with Harry._

_I laid down next to him, and snuggled closer until our lips were brushing against each other. I then moved my lips to Harry’s ear and whispered: “Your voice is so sexy in the morning.”_

_I saw the hint of a smile forming on Harry’s lips._

_I leant in once again, until our lips were as good as touching again. I kissed him softly, trying to get Harry wanting more, leaving him no choice but to wake up. I was nibbling on Harry’s bottom lip, until Harry finally gave me entrance._

_After a few minutes, Harry eventually started kissing my jaw line, until he reached my ear and whispered seductively: “or we could just stay in bed..”_

_We both started giggling, and I gave him a peck on his nose._

_“I kinda like that idea, curly.”_

*

A tear rolled down louis' cheek, which he wiped away instantly, as he opened his eyes and continued to watch ‘Live While we’re young’.

_“Never, never, never stop for anyone! Tonight let’s get some, and Live while we’re young!”_

That knot in his stomach started burning even more fiercely.

Next up was a music video for which Louis couldn’t hold back the tears, in which his eyes were slowly starting to drown.

*

_"I’ve known Liam for quite some time now, but I still don’t understand his complicated hand movements and he talks too fast for me to be able to lip sync. And maybe being on the other side of a stage doesn’t help either."_

_“What is he doing?” Zayn asked me, amused._

_“Obviously no one knows what the fuck Liam Payne is doing. He is, as usual, just a huge Payne in the ass.”_

_Zayn grinned approvingly._

_“..they add up to…I’m in love with Lou”_

_Harry turned his head, looked me in the eyes and gave me a smile which I knew right then and there, would stay with me for the rest of my life, “and all his little things..”_

*

Everything that happened just seemed clearer in Louis’ mind the more he gave up the fight and just let himself sink into this puddle of supposedly forgotten memories.

He knows they’re not important or relevant anymore, but the intense feeling in his stomach wouldn’t cool down, neither did the tears stop from rolling down.

The sight of ‘Marcel’ and the ‘Story of my Life’ music video in general were doing things to his body, but they were nothing compared to the fireball ‘History’ planted in his stomach.

Before he knew it, he had called Liam and Niall and asked them to come over, not being able to handle his emotions alone anymore.

* * *

Niall and Liam had both embraced him, and now they were sitting comfortably on Louis’ couch. Instead of changing the subject constantly, Liam and Niall openly talked about the past and Louis couldn’t be more thankful. It was nice to acknowledge and talk about those memories for once, with people who have been by his side for so long, and have been through the same things as him.

“It would’ve been nice to celebrate it with the four of us in a restaurant or something”, Niall said as he laid his arm on the armrest of the couch while drinking his beer, having just laughed in the way only Niall could laugh at one of louis’ jokes. “I was just thinking about that this morning, but I guess it’s too late now.”

“I honestly wouldn’t know how to behave”, Louis said truthfully. “I haven’t properly spoken to Harry since the band went on hiatus.”

Niall and Liam shot each other a quick look.

It was the first time in years, Louis had talked about Harry to the boys. Both Niall and Liam never wanted to make Louis feel uncomfortable about the subject, so they never brought it up.

Liam opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He looked at Niall with wide eyes and downfacing eyebrows. Then he cautiously turned his head to look at Louis. “What was it like to-“ Liam paused as Niall gave him a warning look, obviously knowing what Liam was about to say.

“Go on”, Louis said. “I can handle it.”

Niall furrowed his eyebrows and watched Louis shifting for a few seconds, before turning to Liam and giving him a subtle nod.

“What was it like seeing Harry again?- in the videos I mean.” Liam asked, without changing his body language. Niall on the other hand started biting his lip, and his body stiffened as he watched Louis’ eyes looking down.

It took Louis a few seconds to find the right words to say, but luckily Liam and Niall gave him the time he needed.

“I felt like…like I was kind of…reliving certain memories. The-” Louis stopped talking for a few seconds, as he noticed the lump in his throat. He coughed, and continued: “The past few days I’ve been thinking about him, and”- he tried to breathe normally, and looked up so the prickling in his eye would stop, and he didn’t have to look Niall or Liam in the eyes. “and then I saw him on those videos again and-”

“Louis, just let it out. It’s okay.”

As soon as he looked at Liam, he was welcomed with a reassuring smile and kind, brown eyes. Louis let out a sob.

“By writing this album I finally made the choice for myself to just let go of the past. I have been honest with myself and with the fans, and I thought I’d be able to finally move on and accept the past and just fooking let go!”

Louis saw both Liam and Niall looking away. Liam took interest in the carpet, and Niall started looking out the window, while scratching his head.

“I don’t know what’s happening”, Louis continued as he noticed Liam and Niall weren’t planning to say anything just yet. “We haven’t really talked to each other in years, we both moved on with other people, but-”

“but you’re not able to let him go”, Niall interrupted, swiftly.

There was a silence. “Well, I moved on with Eleanor, if that’s what you mean”, Louis said, much more defensive than he meant.

Another silence. Another moment of Liam and Niall exchanging glances.

“Why are you looking at each other like that? Just tell me what you want to say.”

“Look, Lou”, Liam began, “Niall and I- we’ve listened to your album, and…especially ‘Too young’ and ‘Habit’ seem to be-” Liam bites his lip and closes his eyes for a few seconds, “not about Eleanor.”

“That was _years_ ago. It was 2018, for fuck’s sake”, Louis gritted his teeth, and made fists with his hands. “I wrote those songs while keeping in mind things are different now. Harry and I have grown apart, and it’s time to accept that.” Louis crossed his arms. “-and stop looking at each other like you know something I don’t!”

“Sorry”, Liam and Niall said in unision.

“Louis, do you-” Liam looked away for a second, “do you remember what drove you guys apart in the first place?”

*

_“Look Louis, I know it’s hard to accept, I really do, but it just is how this world works.”_

_I sat frozen in my seat, trying to remain calm, but my hands were made into fists so tightly my knuckles were turning white._

_“I’m not doing it. Period.” Remain calm, Louis. “That we can’t come out is one thing, but dating someone I’m actually not dating at all”, I felt something like a needle pinching me in the upper left side of my chest, “that just goes way too fooking far!”_

_“People are getting suspicious, Louis. Some parents of the fans don’t want their children to go to your show, because of all these rumours that say you and Harry are dating.”_

_I bit my tongue, as Simon turned around to look at me from where he was standing._

_“Do you really want to be the one responsible for that? There even will be countries you can’t visit because of the lack of lgbt rights there. There will be fans disappointed because they can’t go to see you. And-” Simon was leaning over the desk, just inches away from my face, “this may not count for you, but Harry for example has lots of female attention. Where will the band be if it wasn’t for all the attention you guys get? The band might even break up.” Simons lips curled into a small, devilish smile as he continued to look at Louis. And Louis refused to give the man the satisfaction to look away. “You’d not only be the ‘forgettable one’, but also ‘the one that ruined it all’. And let’s also not forget that Harry and Zayn might be popular enough to stay relevant if it wasn’t for the band, but you’d in no way possible get a succesful solo career.”_

_Louis felt even more needles pinching his chest, some more sudden and sharper than the other._

_“Your career depends on this band, Louis.”_

*

“Yeah, I remember.”

“It was awful- outrageous, the things you’ve been through, and I- we”, Liam looked determined at Niall, “understand that it…eventually broke you down. But you’re not that 18 year old boy anymore, Lou. Just…look how far you’ve come!” Liam looked at Louis with those big, brown and honest eyes Louis has come to know over the years.

“Yeah”, Louis answered with a small smile, “but what has that to do with mine and Harry’s-” Louis bit his lip, and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again, “What has that to do with me and Harry?

“Li means you’ve grown, maybe not physically”, Niall smiled softly to himself, “but mentally. Maybe seeing Harry again, and actually having a conversation is not that hard as it may seem.”

“Not that hard as it may seem? Niall, me and Harry haven’t talked in years!”

“Exactly, and this is the moment to break down all those walls between you and Harry, like you were talking about in your album. It’s our ten years anniversary, Tommo!”, Niall exclaimed, after Louis looked at him with furrowed eyebrows and thin lips. “You and Harry might have a complicated past, and went through some devestating break ups, but you’ll always have that connection with each other, whether you like it or not.”

Another silence fell, as Louis was trying to let Niall’s words sink in.

“I don’t know”, Louis sighed, as he bent his legs and wrapped his arms tightly around them, his feet now pressed together on the edge of the couch, as he quietly said: “So much has changed.”

Liam put his hand on Louis’ knee, “It has.”

For a few seconds, Louis just stared at Liam. Until Niall spoke up again.

“You don’t have to immediately make up your mind, mate. Just…think about it, will ya?” He then made a movement with his head, gesturing Liam he’s leaving, and stood up. “We’ll give you some time to think, and if you need us, you’ll only have to call.”

“Thanks, Ni”, Louis gave him a small smile. “The same goes for you.”

“Bye, Lou”, Liam cuddled him. “It was nice seeing you again.” Liam said softly, before he started walking to the kitchen to put their glasses in the sink as Niall made his way to hug Louis as well.

“Come on, Payno”, Niall said, clasping Liam on the back, before giving him a proper cuddle. “We’ll leave Lou to his thoughts.”

As soon as the front door fell shut, and he could hear the Irish man saying: “I can’t believe it’s been ten years, mate”, Louis went to the living room again, and sat down with a lot of mixed emotions. It’s nice having Liam and Niall around, but now he’s alone with his thoughts again.

He’s alone.

*

_“We’re alone.”_

_I turned around, as I felt two long arms wrap around my waist from behind me, coming face to face with the oversized fairy._

_“As much as I love having our favourite Irish boy, Liam and Zayny around, nothing compares to spending some time alone”, Harry whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead._

_“Hmm, couldn’t agree more, curly”, I laid my head on his shoulder as I wrapped my arms around him as well._

_After a few moments of simply enjoying each others presence, I looked up at him, and asked whie offering my hand to him: “Fancy going ballroom dancing?”_

*

Feeling like his heart might just beat hard enough to break through his skin, Louis went upstairs.

And Louis had finally made up his mind.

> **Niall and the potatoes🌭 (** Nialler, Payno, you + 0147…)
> 
> **You:** _Hey. I was thinking of maybe going out for dinner tomorrow night? For our anniversary I mean. I know it’s a bit late, and I understand if you have other things to do, but I think it’d be nice to have our own little reunion. I know the owner of a restaurant not too far from London, so we could sit there in private. X Louis_

Quickly, Louis put his phone on his bedside table and was planning on sleeping early..

He just couldn’t find a position comfortable enough to sleep in.

* * *

When Louis woke up, his brain cells were completely overworked and weren’t planning to work just yet. So it took Louis almost an hour, before he finally gave up the fight to catch some more sleep and opened his eyes.

He was met with the sight of his phone vibrating on his nightstand.

Louis’ eyes widened, and he immediately grabbed his phone. With trembling hands and his heart beat rising every second, he finally got his password right and opened Whatsapp.

> **Niall and the potatoes🌭 (** Nialler, Payno, you + 0147…)
> 
> **Nialler:** _R u crazy? Thats amazing Tommo!_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Which restaurant is it?_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Wht time shall we b there?_
> 
> **Payno:** _Count me in!!!!_
> 
> **Payno:** _Better late than never, right mate?_
> 
> **Payno:** _To be honest, if you’d ask me in the middle of September if I wanted a reunion I wouldn’t mind_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Ah, Payno, our number one 1D fan_ 😉
> 
> **Payno:** _Says the one who insisted on making a group chat_
> 
> **Payno:** _That’s what Louis would say_
> 
> **Payno:** _Right Lou?_

The corners of Louis’ mouth turned the slightest bit upward.

> **Niall and the potatoes🌭 (** Nialler, Payno, you + 0147…)
> 
> **You:** _Nah, sorry Liam but I have to agree with Nialler n this one_ **;)**
> 
> **Payno:** 😥
> 
> **Payno:** 😂
> 
> **Nialler** : The king has spoken. Nthing to do about it hehe

He then noticed he had some more texts from Liam and Niall individually.

> **Nialler:** _Tommo!! U awake!_
> 
> **Nialler:** _You legend, u just annuonced our first reunion!_
> 
> **You:** _It wasn’t an announcement, it was a question_
> 
> **Nialler:** _You’re afraid he’ll say no, aren’ you?_

Louis froze. He stared at the wall while clutching the phone in his hand, as if the device was the most important thing in his life. His legs felt like they were made of steel and every other material that wasn’t flexible.

> **You:** _Not necessarily afraid_
> 
> **Nialler:** _It’ll be okay. I’m sure Harry d love 2 come_

Louis’ eyes fell, his hands still clamped on his phone, but now lowering it the slightest bit as Louis was staring at the floral printed blanket, without blinking.

> **Payno:** _Lou?_
> 
> **Payno:** _I know he hasn’t reacted yet, but he will. I know he will_
> 
> **Payno:** _Shall we go together tonight?_
> 
> **You:** [Shall we go together tonight?] _Sure thing, mate_
> 
> **You:** _Thanks_
> 
> **Payno:** _No worries_
> 
> **Payno:** _Tonight is going to be great_
> 
> **You:** _Yeah_

*

_I couldn’t control my legs anymore from pacing back and forth. I tried to find distractions in the different colors that painted the wall or in the bracelet around my wrist, but the cheering in the crowd was just too loud and the giant clock in the middle of the dressing room could not be ignored._

_The beating in my chest must have been too loud, and too frequently, because I didn’t hear the person coming in behind me._

_“Jeez, Haz”, I jumped, “You scared me.” I tried to curl my mouth into a convincing smile, but the frown on Harry’s face showed he didn’t buy it._

_He walked towards me, while narrowing his eyes even further._

_“Are you okay?” He said when he was just a few inches away from me._

_I opened my mouth, and then closed it again. I bit my lip and looked at Harry, who gently placed his warm, big hands on my shoulders, and slowly started rubbing them. My hands that were turned into fists, started to loosen and I found my face relaxing after one last long bite on my bottom lip._

_“What if they think I suck?” I looked at him, while I felt tears welling in my eyes._

_“You don’t suck.”_

_“You think that, but what if they think otherwise? What if my voice cracks, or- or what if I don’t reach that last high note?” I looked down, while fidgeting with my bracelet, until I was pulled into an embrace, and I let out a sob._

_“Lou, it’ll be fine”, Harry started caressing my neck. “It’ll be okay, and whatever happens…” Harry took a small step back, so he could gently take my hands in his own and I could swear I felt his eyes piercing through mine. “I’ll be there for you.”_

*

 **Niall and the potatoes🌭 (** Nialler, Payno, you + 0147…)

 **0147…:** [ **You:** Hey. I was thinking of maybe going out for dinner tomorrow night? For our anniversary I mean. I know it’s a bit late, and I understand if you have other things to do, but I think it’d be nice to have our own little reunion. I know the owner of a restaurant not too far from London, so we could sit there in private. X Louis] _I’ll be there._


	2. Ants and many shots of beer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fridge light washes this room white,  
> Moon dances over your good side,  
> this was all we used to need.
> 
> \- Two Ghosts by Harry Styles

For a few seconds Louis couldn't do anything. He didn't move, but kept his hands firmly around his phone while he felt as if the air was pressed out of his lungs and breathing would just be pointless. He stared at the text he'd just received as if it could disappear at any moment.

Wide-eyed, as if he was afraid it'd be scared away, he swiped his fingers over the screen, so he could text Liam.

> **You:** _ He said he'll be there _
> 
> **Payno:** _Told you_
> 
> **Payno:** _You're seeing him again Lou_

Louis felt a smile creeping on his lips, when he felt a warm wave flowing through his body, making him feel like the sun was inside of him.

> **You:** _yeah_

He laid his phone back on the table, only to grab it again a few moments later. Still feeling warm and like he was floating, he did something he wouldn’t dare dream about doing a few minutes ago.

> **Niall and the potatoes** 🌭 (Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)
> 
> **You:** [ **Nialler:** Which restaurant is it?]  _ Il’l send you the address _
> 
> **You:** [ **Nialler:** Wht time shall we b there?]  _ Is at six okay? _
> 
> **Nialler:** _ s fine with me _
> 
> **Payno:** **_@LouisT_ ** _ I’ll pick you up at 5:15 then? _ 😁
> 
> **You:** _ sure _
> 
> **Harold:** [ **You:** at six?]  _ That works out for me as well _

Another content feeling washed over louis as he looked at the names. Then his eyelashes dropped down, as the knot in his stomach demanded him to be acknowledged.

*

_ “Lastly, we need you to be at this one show tonight, together with Eleanor”, the bald man said as he folded his stack of paper neatly in his suitcase, and stood up. “Further instructions will be given to you once you get there.” _

_ “But I can’t!” I furrowed my eyebrows and balded my fists. “I’m having a movie night together with Haz”, I fumbled a bit with my fingers, as I looked the man swiftly in the eyes, and then looked down instantly. "I promised him I’d be there this time", I whispered. _

_ The man looked away for a moment, and then grabbed his suitcase from the desk. “I’m sorry Louis, but they’re Simon’s orders.” He walked away, leaving me alone in the office. _

_ I watched him leave and slowly took my phone out of my pocket _ _. _

_ It rang only once before it was picked up by a hopeful voice. _

_ ‘Lou?’  _

_ I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking at my feet. “I can’t be with you tonight.” _

_ The silence on the other side was somehow filled with words, as Louis struggled to ease the stinging in his chest. _

_ ‘Where do you have to go?’ his voice was way quieter. _

_ I said my words quickly and without stuttering. “To a show”, I inhaled, “with Eleanor” and exhaled. _

_ Another loud silence followed. This time I could hear Harry’s running nose, which I knew he didn't have an hour ago. _

_ ‘Okay.’ I could barely hear his voice. _

_ I was certain my throat was dryer than my eyes as i bit my lip, "Haz", I shut my eyes as quickly as anyone would close the windows when it started raining heavily, "I'm sorry." _

_ ‘I know’. _

_ Then he hang up. _

_ * _

Letting the rain fall down this time, Louis put away his phone and forced himself to walk downstairs.

* * *

Louis had tried taking out Clifford and Bruce for a long walk, done a work out and even made an attempt to clean his room, but it didn’t take his mind off of the obvious.

He was stuck in his closet, having tried four different trousers and seven types of shirts, but none of them passed the test.

Luckily he still had some time before Payno-

_ Riiiiiiiiiiing. Riiiin-Riiiiiiiiiiiiiing. _

-showed up.

Louis rolled his eyes and went downstairs to open the door for a man who looked like he had won the lottery.

“Tommo!” he practically jumped. “Again, happy anniversary!” Liam eyed him up and down with furrowed eyebrows. “Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” 

Louis’ eyes snapped open like he was caught doing something that he wasn’t allowed to do, crossing his arms over his uncovered chest. “Uhm”, Louis felt his cheeks brighten, “I kind of couldn’t find anything to wear.”

For a moment Liam just stared smirked at Louis. Then he couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore and closed the door behind him with a loud chuckle.

“Are you kidding me, Tommo? You have a freaking walk-in closet!” Liam said, his voice higher and lighter than normal, while he was taking off his coat. “C’mon, let’s get you dressed”, Liam walked towards the staircase. “‘ _ I couldn’t find anything to wear’ _ ”, Liam said in a higher-pitched voice.

Louis opened his mouth, but then closed it. A small smile was forming on his lips, as he followed Liam upstairs. "My voice isn't that high, you know."

Liam was the first one to enter Louis’ room, as he inspected the rejected clothes that were thrown on Louis’ bed. He let out another high-pitched laugh, and Louis rolled his eyes again. “You were planning on meeting the queen tonight, then?” Liam said as he pointed at the expensive suit which was at the top of the pile.

Louis let out an annoyed sigh, “i just don’t wanna be seen as a slob.”

“We’re always gonna see you as a slob Louis, so don’t bother.” 

“Thanks, Payno.”

Liam rubbed his hands, as he was walking towards the closet. “Alright, Tommo, we need an outfit in which you’ll feel comfortable. Let’s see…” Louis crossed his arms a bit less tight this time, as he let out a sigh that sounded brighter than he had intended. “Ah! I found it!”

Liam was standing in front of one of Louis' mirrors, holding a light blue T-shirt with three dark blue buttons at the top and 'More Love' written on it, and some black jeans. His cheeks seemed like they were being suffocated by his smile. "This is perfect!"

Louis inspected the outfit, took the clothes from Liam, and went inside the closet to change.

* * *

“I can’t believe you hated me when we first met”, Liam said while turning the car to the left. 

“Believe me, if you were me you'd understand”, Louis smirked, half looking out of the window and noticing Liam’s fake shocked expression. “Focus on the road, Payno. We don’t want to have this little reunion at a cemetery, now do we?”

Liam rolled his eyes, as a short silence fell over them. Sometimes, his eyes moved to where Louis was biting his nails or checking his phone every three seconds. Liam would open his mouth, and then close it again as Louis seemingly didn’t notice him.

It was after a minute or so that Liam finally spoke up.

“Sooo,  _ ahem- _ ” Louis looked at Liam out of the corner of his eye, “are you, you know, ready?” Liam acted like his full attention was on the steering wheel, and almost didn't blink once.

“Well, I’m properly dressed now, so I guess yeah.”

Liam didn’t laugh and turned his head at Louis, who was sure that if there were people in the back, they wouldn’t have noticed the lighter spot in his brown eyes. 

“Okay. Maybe I’m a bit nervous”, Louis said, looking at his adidas shoes that he had cleaned earlier that day. “I genuinely don’t think I’ll be able to handle us...speaking to each other instead of talking”, Louis’ hands slowly turned into loose fists. “I actually wouldn't know what we'd talk about. I don't even know where he lives, since we're-" Louis twitched his lips "-strangers and all.”

“Two ghosts”, Liam said softly, furrowing his eyebrows, still blinking equally as often as a minute ago.

Louis looked at Liam, “yeah.” He then tried to brighten his voice a bit, “You’re getting better at metaphors, Liam. That songwriting is apparently not only useful for good songs, but-”

Liam's shoulders were made of steel as he kept his gaze on the road. “It’s not mine.” 

He didn’t notice the slight frown on Louis’ face. “Whose is it then? Shakespeare or-”

“Harry’s.” 

Louis suddenly felt like the air conditioning in the car was on freeze mode. The shivering left him frozen solid. He felt like he wasn't able to say a word, as he turned his head away from Liam and started looking at the trees outside the car.

*

_ “Admit it, babe. You adore me way too much to get on with thi-”  _ **_smack_ ** _! _

_ “Oh no! I’m sorry!" Harry came running towards with me with eyes as wide as the ball he’d just thrown. He went to sit beside me on the cold ground as he helped me getting the snow out of my eyes, which was, despite the cold, burning. “Are you okay?” _

_ I tried sitting upright, but Harry gently placed his hand on my chest, confusing me as I looked up at him. _

_ “Lie down”, Harry said, looking at me as if it was just your typical sunny evening in the middle of july.  _

_ “But it’s freezing” I protested, while Harry was already positioning himself next to me, nudging my arms to wrap around him. "If we're freezing to death here, Liam will have our head." _

_ "and the sun is almost setting, as well…” I carefully spooned Harry and inhaled the familiar scent of his curly hair, shutting me and my protests up as I let out a content sigh.  _

_ Just when I thought he had  _ somehow _ fallen asleep, he squeezed my left hand that was lazily wrapped around his chest. “How many times do I have to tell you that the sun is always right behind me?” _

*

Louis felt the lingering snow melting in his eyes.

“We’re here”, Liam said as though he had run a marathon, and he finally had reached the finish line.

Louis took his time getting out of the car as he smiled at his companion, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

* * *

“Tommo, Liam! You’re here!” Niall exclaimed when Liam and louis entered the private room. He pulled the chairs opposite him out with his feet and looked at them with a goofy smile.

“I saw on the site that they serve really good pizzas here”, Niall said as Liam and Louis both sat down (Louis directly across from Niall, and Liam then next to him as they shared a look). “but there are so many good ones...I wouldn’t know which one to choose.”

As Niall’s eyes kept scanning the many pages of the menu, Louis was busy trying to prevent his legs from becoming iron on the black and blue floor while focussing his attention on the many types of flowers painting the white wall behind Niall. Louis couldn’t stop himself from accidentally looking behind him as he scratched his neck or fixed his hair every half a minute.

“Nah, I think I’ll be going for the cheese one after all. I haven’t had one in like-”, Niall suddenly stopped talking as he was looking over louis’ head with a tiny sparkle in his eyes. “Harry!” Niall stood up and left the menu to read itself as he embraced the taller curly man in a tight hug, probably suffocating him. “How are ya, mate?”

“I’m good actually, thanks. And you?” Harry let go of Niall, and looked him up and down.

“Never been better.” Niall said while sitting down again. His eyes quickly moved to Louis’ before they focused on Harry again.

“Li, how has life been treating you the past few days?” Harry placed his hands, of which Louis has counted the rings two times already, on either sides of Liam’s chair, who immediately stood up to give Harry a proper hug.

“It’s been two weeks already, hasn’t it?” Liam asked.

“Has it?” Harry asked with a higher voice. “Well, I’m glad that we’re having dinner together, then.” 

“Yeah, me too, mate. Louis here-”, Liam gestures his head to where Louis was sitting with a face that was just as fast turning a bright red as Niall’s neck snapping, which went from Harry to Liam to Louis to Harry again, “-sometimes comes up with really good ideas.”

Liam’s eyes then doubled in size, as he turned to look at louis.

Harry also focussed his attention on louis, like he’d just noticed he was there too.

Louis felt Harry’s burning gaze. He slowly turned around and looked the now wide-eyed, once familiar man in the eyes. 

“Hey”, Louis said softly. 

“Hey”, Harry looked at his feet for a few moments, but then looked up again only to find Louis still staring at him. “You good?”

Louis barely nodded, feeling like he had once again lost his ability to talk.

The room went quiet after that, and Louis could even hear Niall swallowing across from him. 

“Come, sit down, mate. We have lots to catch up on.” the Irish lad eventually said to Harry, while patting the chair on his left.

Harry finally looked away from Louis and went to sit beside Niall, playing with the many rings on his finger.

“Can I already get you something?” A broad-shouldered waiter with short black hair asked them.

“I’ll just have a beer”, Louis said.

“Tommo! We should drink some champagne!” Liam elbowed Louis, “As a celebration.”

“Out of the question, Payno”, Louis looked at Liam's pouty face, “beer tastes better”, he then looked at Niall, “Right Ni?”

Niall chuckled. “Yeah, agreed. Liam, you barbarian.”

“We could all still raise our glass”, Louis said upon seeing Liam pout harder. “Just...with beer.”

“That's not the point”, Liam said while shaking his head and putting his hands over his eyes, but Louis could still see the smile from between his fingers. Then Liam suddenly looked at Harry, “Wait, Harry hasn’t said anything! Maybe he’s di-”

“I’m with Louis and Niall, beer indeed tastes better.” It was the first time Louis saw his dimples peeking out again.

“Well then”, Louis gave Liam a winning smile and turned to the waiter again, who looked like he could have a beer himself. “I’ll still have my beer.”

“Me too”, Niall and Harry said in unison, grinning together upon seeing Liam’s face, which just screamed ‘this is why we can’t have nice things’.

Louis watched them, with his smile dropping the tiniest bit.

“Alright”, Liam turned to the waiter, causing Louis to break his gaze from Narry. “I’ll have a beer, but just a-”

“An extra large one for Payno, here”, Louis said, while patting him on the back.

Liam looked at Louis and burst out laughing, hiding his face behind his hands again. “I hate you so much.”

“I love you too, Payno.” Louis started playing with his hair. He didn’t notice a curly haired man looking at him from across the table, who had something in his eyes that didn’t quite match his charming smile.

* * *

When dinner was finished and they were walking outside again, there were three memorable things Louis had noted: one, ‘Niall could still eat like there was no tomorrow'. Two: ‘The one and only Liam Payne  _ did _ like the beer they served, quite a lot actually’, and three:

Louis softly glanced at Harry, who was almost out the door, and bit his lip as his eyes dropped down. ‘Harry still takes a first bite to test the waters, and then cuts the rest of his food before he takes a second one.’

“That pizza certainly hit the right spot”, Niall said while rubbing his belly. “I’m glad I chose for the pepperoni one in the end.”

“I don’t think it would’ve mattered”, Niall quirked his eyebrow at Harry, who was walking beside him and raised his hands at niall's look. “I’m just saying you’d probably eat anything, especially when you’re hungry.”

“And- **hic** -Niall is always hungry, right- **hic** -Niall?”, Niall rolled his eyes at Liam who’d just literally stumbled into the conversation. “I bet you would- **hic** -even let Louis cook for you if you- **hic** -”

Niall gasped. "It's bold of you to think that I had liked the cheese one just as much, but to say I'd _ever_ take a bite out of something made in Louis Tomlinson's kitchen, that's", Niall chuckled, "that's just rude."

“Hey, I can do a fair amount of cooking, alright!” Louis stopped dead in his tracks, shifted his weight on his left hip and crossed his arms. 

“...hic.” 

He was met with two sets of eyes that looked at him like he’d just exclaimed fairies were real, except for Liam who was, after a good two seconds of staring, already busy sprinkling little pieces of chips on the ground.

Niall and Harry shared a quick look of the Irish one wiggling his eyebrows and Harry trying to hide his smile while biting his lip.

Niall then turned to Louis again, “Soo, after all these years, you have learned how to cook, Tommo?”

“Yes.” Louis narrowed his eyes a bit and switched his attention from Niall to Liam- the brown-eyed man waved happily -and back to Niall again.

“and you know how to do the dishes?” Niall turned one corner of his mouth upwards.

“For f*cks sake, Niall, of course I know how to do the dishes!"

“Good. It’s settled then.” Niall crossed his arms and looked everyone in the eyes, full out smirking now. “In a few weeks, we’re having dinner at Louis’.

Louis protested ‘What? No!” at the same time as Harry and Niall gave each other a high five. 

“Oh yes. This is your moment to show off all your hard work, Louis”, Niall winked at him. 

Louis squinted his eyes, while looking at Niall, who looked back just as challenging. Louis then rolled his eyes, “Alright, Ni.”

“Yes!” Niall practically jumped into louis’ arms, causing him to stumble backwards. “You’re the best Tommo!”

“Umph, I know”, Louis tried catching for breath as he was almost crumbling into pieces by Niall’s tight grip, “Now, would you please let go off me?”

“Oh, sorry”, Niall scratched his head, and Louis put his fringe back in place when he noticed Harry looking at him. 

Louis quickly looked away. “Payno, shall I drive this time, since you- well…”, Louis looked at Liam who was kneeling down to watch the ants picking up the food he had brought for them and bringing it to their respectful homes with a content smile, “Liam, what are you doing?”

Liam looked up like an innocent five year old. “I was just thinking that-  **hic** -the ants would be hu- **hic** -ngry as well.

Louis really tried holding in his laughter unlike Niall. “I’m sure the ants really, uhm, appreciate you doing that for them and make sure you say hi from me", ("You guys hear that? Uncle Louis said hi!"), But I think they-” Niall was loudly cackling now, using a tree for balance causing Harry to erupt into laughter as well, “-they’d like you to go home now.”

Liam’s smile dropped at that, “Do you think so?”

Louis nodded.

“Oh…”, Liam was pouting now, “ **hic** ”, Louis helped Liam standing up, and brought them to their car. 

“Ehm, it was good seeing you again-” Louis looked at Niall, who was finally calming down, and Harry “-lads. We’ll see each other again?” He bit his lip and focussed his eyes on Niall.

“Definitely, mate”, Niall gave Louis a big smile, “Now, go bring our friend home before he's movings in with those ants.”

“Will do”, Louis said, then quickly turned his attention to Harry. “Bye.”

“It was good to see you again, Louis.”

Louis’ breath caught in his throat. He scratched his head, then crossed his arms until he eventually let them fall to his sides.

“It was good seeing you too”, Louis bit his lip, "yeah."

He then waved and attempted to walk slowly to his car. He started the engine and drove away with apparently a five year old in the passenger seat.

* * *

After he got a visit from Liam, who'd almost demanded Louis to clean everything that belonged in his kitchen, he felt like he lived in a rush.

Everything just felt so _surreal_ to Louis. Just two weeks ago the band had celebrated their 'ten years' anniversary by going out for dinner together, after which they had all agreed (well, Niall had insisted on it and Louis felt too tired not to comply) to have dinner at Louis' a few weeks later.

And today was 'a few weeks later'.

Louis ran his hand through his hair as he finished the last dish. He let his gaze fall over his freshly cleaned kitchen, as if he’d never done such an impossible task correctly. 

**Nialler:** [ **You:** can’t wait to show you🙄🙄🙄]  _ cant wait to taste it _

**Nialler:** _ Did tht sound weird? _

**Nialler:** [ **You:** when will u be here?] _ in 10  _

Louis walked towards the kitchen cupboard, which was below the stove, to put his cloth away and started tapping his nails against the worktop. His eyes were following his movements as he slowly let his hands fall flat to his sides.

*

_ “Let me get your chair for you”, I pulled him further to the kitchen table. “There you go”, I whispered, after giving him a little peck on the cheek.  _

_ I walked towards the stove, where a few slices of parma ham were already waiting for me. _

_ “What is it that you’re cooking, Lou?” Harry lifted his head a bit. _

_ You’ll see”, I went to check on the mashed potatoes which were almost ready. I also checked the timer on the oven, but the chicken wasn’t even ready in 15 minutes and I felt my cheeks redden as I turned it up a bit. _

_ “It smells good.” _

_ I didn’t notice Harry had walked toward me until he was standing beside me, inhaling the scent of the parma ham while looking at me. _

_ “Thanks”, I said, noticing that my cheeks felt like huge boulders that were pushed aside by my widening smile as he didn't break his gaze, and I couldn’t quite remember what Niall had told me about letting yourself get distracted while cooking.  _

_ “You’re staring” I said softly. _

_ Harry giggled and immediately looked down at his feet, putting his hands behind his back and shifting from one foot to another. _

_ It was then that we turned to look at each other at the same time, causing me to stop breathing for a moment and look away. _

*

Riiiiiiiiiiiiing

“That would be Niall.” Louis broke his contact with the countertop and walked down the hall to open the door.

“Gotta tell you mate, you certainly ring a lot nicer than Li-” Louis instantly froze into rapidly melting ice as he looked at the person standing in front of him.

“Hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this :)
> 
> If you have any suggestions or comments I'd love to hear them.  
> I'll be uploading a chapter each saturday.


	3. Louis' decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too,  
> but you, you never do'
> 
> \- From the Dining Table by Harry Styles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want you guys to know that I have no intentions at all on bullying or shading on anyone in this fic. I don't know Eleanor, so I don't know if I'd like her if I knew her. I'm just writing down what I think might have happened, but at the end of the day, no one knows what's really happening behind the screen but them.
> 
> I just wanted to get that off my chest.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this story so far, and if you have any suggestions, feel free to comment :)  
> I'll be posting each Saturday.

Louis' breath got stuck in his throat as he let out an almost inaudible 'hey', after which he lost his tight, confident grip on the door handle.

The sun was still proudly shining as though it would never swap places with the moon ever again, but Louis was watching the wind that was blowing through Harry’s soft and curly hair.

"Ehm", Harry scratched his head and looked behind him as Louis just stood there with wide eyes, "can I maybe come in?"

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Ehm..”, Louis quickly stepped aside, while mimicking Harry’s head scratching. “Sorry”, Louis said quietly, so Harry didn’t hear him.

Harry slowly walked towards the coat rack.

Because neither said a word, Lous could hear the zipper zipping down Harry’s jacket, and the sound of a coat hanger being hung back in its place. Louis didn’t know if Harry had picked the brown or black one, because his gaze was unintentionally focussed on something else.

“You have a moustache.”

Harry swiftly moved his eyes to Louis’ and then settled them on the ground. “Yeah”, he looked at Louis again, “you’re letting your hair grow”, he twitched his lips, “again.”

Louis nodded, biting his lip, that was starting to get sore from the past few weeks.

A peculiar silence followed, which was consisting of so many layers that even a spontaneous conversation wouldn’t shatter it.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Louis took a small step in Harry’s direction, who was also standing closer to the door that led to the kitchen.

Harry took a larger step backwards, “Yes, that’d be nice. Can I have some water?”

Louis nodded and walked a bit faster than normally to the kitchen. He filled two glasses with water, but when he turned around he saw Harry still standing in the doorway.

“You can sit down if you’d like”, Louis said unnaturally.

“Nah, I’m good.” Harry stared at the table for a good two seconds before he grabbed the glass of water nearest from him on the countertop. “Thank you for the water.”

“No problem.” Louis had never drunk water so slowly in his life. His attention was on the liquid that was still filling almost the entire glass, but somehow made it seem like it was half empty.

_'Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing'_

“That’s Niall”, Louis smiled to himself and quickly went past Harry, careful not to touch him, to open the door for the loud Irish man.

Louis was faced with the warm smiles of both Liam and Niall when he opened the door.

“Hey Lou!”, Liam opened his arms as he walked towards Louis, but then stopped midway, “Oh, ehm”, Liam looked at Niall, “me and Niall were just talking about how we didn’t keep our distance at the reunion,” Liam fumbled with his fingers, “I mean, it was probably because we were all excited to see each other, but maybe now we should?”

“‘s Fine with me”, Louis said upon seeing two pairs of eyes looking at him questioningly. He then smirked, “but that also means you can’t hit me when I burn your food, Niall.”

“Oh, believe me, I’ve come prepared.” Niall walked inside, and Louis saw he was wearing quite a big shopping bag.

Louis opened his mouth and let out a high-pitched ‘AH’, causing Niall to stop dead in his tracks and raise his eyebrow at him. “You’ve brought pizzas, because you think I still can’t cook after all those years?”

“Ah Tommo, relax, they’re just...appropriate precautionary measures”, Niall began walking again.

Louis rolled his eyes, “You searched that up on Google this afternoon, didn’t you?”

But Niall was already sitting at the kitchen table, and the sight of a curly haired man joining him without hesitation might have lowered Louis’ shoulders a little.

* * *

“I’m scared.”

“Nialler! They’re just pieces of fooking broccoli. No one can screw that up.”

“Are you sure?” Niall had tilted his head to the side to look at Louis and raised his eyebrows.

Louis instantly regretted his choice of sitting next to Niall.

“You know, I’m actually quite proud of you, Louis”, Liam said in between sipping from his glass of water, “I didn’t even have to help you with your timing, and it tastes pretty good”, he gave Niall a warning look.

There was a short silence of Liam sipping on his water again, Harry (having just cut everything) finally taking his second bite, and Niall growing a smirk while staring at his food.

“What is it now, Niall?” Louis asked, trying to sound annoyed.

Niall’s smirk widened. “Oh, this time it ain’t about your food Tommo-” Louis rolled his eyes- “I was just thinking, maybe Liam got brainwashed by the ants the other day and that’s why he’s so positive about your disastrous cookin-”

“I dare you to finish that sentence.”

“Why are you constantly bringing up ants?” Everyone turned to Liam, who was looking genuinely confused. “I’m serious. In the car he couldn’t stop talking about them. Did I miss something?”

Niall choked on his water, that was now dripping down his chin. “Miss something? Nah, you were very much enjoying yourself.”

“We shouldn’t tease him, right Fantie?” Harry turned to Liam with a proud smile.

Niall furrowed his eyebrows, though they never reached the same angle as Liams. “Why not?”

“Fantie?” Louis asked, which caused everyone to turn their head at him.

Harry looked at Louis for a second, before turning his attention to Niall. “Oh, it was just a joke of course. Tease him all you want. It’s funny to watch.”

Liam was hiding behind his hands. “I still don’t know what you guys are talking about.”

Harry leaned a bit more over the table as if he was telling Niall his biggest secret, and Louis was just the casually listening, irrelevant nerd. “Liam is a fan”, Harry raised his eyebrows, “of ants.”

Louis had never seen Niall this confused in his life, and that was saying something.

“So”, Harry continued, “that makes him a ‘fant’.

Niall formed an ‘o’ with his mouth, but didn’t seem that enlightened by the joke as Harry was, who was waiting for Niall to react. “and ehm”, Niall quickly glanced at Louis with big, blue eyes, “what explains the ‘ie’ on the end?”

Harry smiled while sitting back again, “That just makes it more dramatic.”

“Well, it definitely makes it more weird”, Niall chuckled. “Ouch!”

Louis had punched him under the table.

When everyone had finished eating, Liam had insisted on helping Louis clean up as Niall and Harry went to sit on the sofa in the living room.

Louis almost dropped a plate when his phone rang, causing Liam to shake his head fondly. “Intentional or not, you always find your way out of things, don’t you?”

Louis smirked at him. “Have to take this one, mate”, he walked to where his phone was laying on the kitchen table, “It’s a shame I can’t help you anymore.”

Liam rolled his eyes, “Technically I was the one helping you-” Louis picked up the phone.

“Hey, Pheebs! How are you?” Louis cheekily grinned as Liam closed his mouth.

_‘I’m doing good, Lou. And you?’_

Louis walked out of the kitchen and went to sit on the third step of the stairs that led to the second floor. “I’m great, yeah”, he then spoke a bit quieter, “Is there something you want to talk about, love?”

 _‘Oh, no, ehm’_ , Louis could hear his little sister smile, _‘I was just wondering if El is at home at the moment? I’ve tried calling her, but she didn’t pick up.’_

“No, she’s out with a couple friends tonight.” Louis smiled. “I could tell her you called when she’s home? Or you can tell me, for if she’s late.”

_‘Nah, I’ll just call her tomorrow morning. It can wait. Are you alone tonight?’_

Louis furrowed his eyebrows as Phoebe had a concerned undertone hidden in her voice. “No love, I’m having a little reunion with the band.”

 _‘Really?'_ Louis uselessely nodded, _'That’s amazing! Can I say hi?’_

“Of course you can say hi, silly”, Louis fondly shook his head.

He walked down the few steps, and found that Liam had joined the lads on the fluffy sofa with each a glass of wine in hand. Louis saw a fourth one standing untouched on the small table next to the sofa. The fairy lights surrounding them ensured for a lighthearted ambiance.

“Lads”, Louis began, “I have Phoebe here on the phone, and she’d like to say hi.” He turned the call on speaker mode.

_‘Liam! Niall! Louis told me you’re there! How are you?’_

Liam instantly looked at Louis and realisation hit them both, as Niall instinctively placed his foot next to Harry’s, who immediately pulled his legs away from Niall’s touch.

“We’re good, Phoebe”, Liam said, taking the phone from Louis, who was picking at his lips.

Niall furrowed his eyebrows at Harry, who’d taken his phone out of his front pocket and despite his tall figure, almost seemed invisible in the corner.

Niall gave the same look to Louis, who went to sit next to Liam on the sofa, “I heard you’d gotten a nice new dress from Lou. He has good taste then?”

_‘Yeah, he definitely has good taste. At first, Daisy and I thought Eleanor had chosen it, but he really surprised us!’_

Louis didn’t look at Harry, feeling a now very familiar stinging in his stomach.

He and Liam shared eye-contact, before Liam started talking again. “That’s really nice, Pheebs! Ehm, but, the lads and I actually have a lot to catch up on, so-”

 _‘Oh yeah, I understand!’_ Liam let out a sigh he had held for almost the entire phone call, _‘It was nice to talk to you again. Bye, then!’_

“Bye”, Louis, Liam and Niall answered.

Louis grabbed his glass of wine from the table. Liam’s gaze was wide and focussed on the carpet, and Niall started fumbling with a piece of lint.

Louis still hadn’t seen Harry’s face.

Liam was the first one to break his gaze with the distraction, much to Louis’ delight. “It’s scary how fast she’s grown.”

Niall fumbled with his fingers, “Yeah. I can still hear those little girls screaming, everytime they could see Louis backstage.”

“Oh well, people change. It’s inevitable.”, Harry had put his phone back in his pocket, sat up right and looked at Niall. “I think I’ll be heading home. I have to get up early tomorrow.” Harry’s lips were pressed together in a tight line.

“Sure thing, mate.” Liam subtly looked at Niall, “I think we’ll be staying for a bit?”

Niall nodded.

Harry stood up, and, followed by the others, walked in an almost straight line towards the door, nearly forgetting his jacket. “Goodbye then, lads.”

“Take care, man”, Liam and Niall said in unison as Harry opened the door.

Louis opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again, but his voice was nothing but a whisper.

*

_“What is it, Louis?” He tightened his grip on the door handle._

_I carefully took a step in his direction. I could see Harry’s eyes following my movement, but he didn’t move himself. Instead he focussed his wet eyes, under which marks of weariness became more visible every day, on mine._

_“Stay?” I looked up at him, not being able to control the brick stone in my throat, “If only tonight?”_

*

The door fell shut.

As the three heard the car driving away, they silently walked back towards the, with fairy lights decorated, living room.

“Thanks for staying”, Louis said softly. “I couldn’t have been acting more stupidly.” He put his head in his hands.

“I never thought it would’ve been _this_ ”, Niall began.

Louis could only hear him from behind his hands, so he put them away to look at a puzzling Niall and Liam.

“-complicated”, Liam finished with a sigh.

“Louis’ sisters always loved Harry”, Niall said, while looking at Louis, “She didn’t know he was there", as Louis didn't answer, Niall's eyes widened, "did she?”

Louis shook his head, “I told her I was having a little reunion. She probably just assumed I meant you and Liam.”

Liam furrowed his eyebrows further, “Did Phoebe know about you and Harr-”

“No she didn’t”, Louis answered quickly, “Just Lottie. She’d be bombarding me with questions if she knew he was here.”

“Well, that explains why the twins are so full of Eleanor”, Niall said a bit bitterly.

Louis’ head snapped back to Niall. “When will you stop bringing Eleanor into this?” Niall looked at Liam, who was looking at the light pink carpet again. “She’s like a role model for the twins, and besides, they’ve grown up with her”, Louis gritted his teeth. “You guys, out of all people, should know by now she’s not some kind of cover up.”

Liam and Niall both said nothing, making Louis shifting uncomfortably, after which he sighed. “She was, but not anymore”, he relaxed his face a bit, “She’s been there for me when I needed someone most, and I can’t bring under words how thankful I am for her.”

“We know, Lou”, Liam said, giving him a small smile.

Niall guiltily looked at Louis, “Yeah, and I’m sorry. I’m just-”, he hesitated and then quietly mumbled, “I’m used to hearing the other side of the story.”

Louis nodded, biting the inside of his lip.

“So”, Liam began, “are you still gonna try and get in touch with Harry again?” He quickly looked at Niall, “Try and make up? Start again? As friends this time, I mean.”

Louis pretended to think, “I don’t know yet”, he checked his watch, “It’s already 11 P.M. I think I’ll be going to bed in a few minutes. Eleanor will probably be late.”

Liam and Niall nodded, having understood the message.

They stood up, and after Louis let them out the door, he went upstairs.

When Louis was standing in front of the sink, and got his toothbrush in his right hand, he stopped for a moment to watch his reflection in the mirror. His fans always say he doesn’t seem to age, but looking in the mirror, Louis was sure they’d say otherwise if they could see him now. With his left index finger he softly started caressing the dark bags under his eyes, until he saw something moving behind him.

*

_I turned around to see a dark curly haired boy replacing the old man beside me, which was nice, because peeing next to an old man wasn't always exactly comfortable._

_I focussed my attention on myself again, but him staring at me using the mirror didn’t go unnoticed. I felt my cheeks brighten each second, as he didn’t look away._

_Eventually curiousity got the best of me. When I looked up I was met with a green-eyed deer caught in headlights, who instantly looked away, and left a splash on my foot._

_“Oops.”_

_“Hi.”_

*

Louis saw a green towel waving behind him, and he was too tired to remember if he had closed the window that morning.

* * *

As Louis was lying in bed, it felt quiet in his room. Maybe because the wind that was brushing through the trees outside and the occasional car driving by were nothing compared to the volume of his mind.

Honestly, even if there was a fooking party crashing his house, Louis’ thoughts would still seem louder. They would still try to convince Louis to keep thinking about them.

But only one thought was allowed to stay in Louis’ head:

*

_“You promised me.”_

_I looked down on the first leaves that had fallen down, which were forming some kind of doorstep in front of Harry’s door._

_“It’ll be different this time”, I hopefully looked up at him. “I promise.”_

_“You always promise”, Harry shifted on his feet, his voice becoming weaker and quieter by every word he spoke, “but you never keep.”_

_“I try!” I felt tears rolling down my cheek, something that happens more and more often these days._

_For a small moment I could see something in his eyes that used to be familiar for me, but that beautiful sight disappeared like the evergreen colour of the autumn leaves._

_“I tried too.”_

_For a few seconds the only things I heard were birds, cars and the last few cracks of my shared heart._

_Harry’s breathtaking long curly locks were becoming blurry._

_“but you always run away, Lou.”_

*

‘This time I will stay away.’


	4. Harry's reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I can't believe I gave into the pressure,  
> when they said 'a love like this' would never last  
> so I cut you off,  
> 'cause I didn't know no better.'
> 
> \- Too young by Louis Tomlinson

When Harry woke up on a wet pillow the day after, it was almost 12 A.M.

He lazily stretched his body, and grabbed his phone to be faced with two missed calls from Niall at 11:31 and 11:44 A.M. 

Groaning as the light coming from the phone almost blinded him compared to his dark bedroom, which contained those kind of curtains that almost ban every ray of sunshine, he clicked on the 'call back' button and held the phone by his ears as he lay back down on the comfy bed.

Almost immediately Niall answered the phone.

_' Gooood- morning, mate! What are yer plans for today?'_

Harry quickly moved the phone a few inches away from his ears, in case his friend would cause him hearing damage. "I'm kind of just", Harry put a hand over his mouth as he yawned loudly, "having a lazy sunday."

_'But it's wednesday.'_

Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he checked the date and sighed, "Doesn't matter. Lazy wednesday it is then."

_'You sound kinda tired, mate. Everything alright?'_

"Couldn't sleep, but I'm alright. And you?"

 _'Nah, I'm fine. I was just wondering, since I'm in the neigborhood, if we could hang out today?'_ There was a small silence, _'To kinda really catch up and stuff? Been almost a month since we last did that.'_

"Ahh, you miss me already, Ni?" Harry chuckled, "That's so cute."

 _'I am cute.'_ he could almost hear Niall wink, _'so are you in?'_

"Ehm", Harry tiredly looked at the ceiling, "alright. What time?"

* * *

Around 2 P.M. Harry left the house, and started walking towards the cafetaria around the corner.

It was almost impossibly hot outside; most people had closed their windows and curtains, and for a summer afternoon there weren't many people outdoors. Harry actually only saw a teenager, whose dog was panting loudly.

By the time he had reached the cafetaria, he already felt sweaty all over. Looking around him, Harry found Niall sitting in a corner to the far left, looking out the window. The latter had already ordered some tea for the both of them.

"Long time no see", Harry smirked upon seeing Niall, who rolled his eyes.

"You know I was referring to just the two of us, without the rest of the boys?"

"I know", Harry sat down across from Niall, "So what did you wanna talk about?" he said. Harry tried to sip a bit from his tea, but burnt his tongue in the process. "I saw on the internet that you finally made your relationship public."

Niall immediately became a glimming red mess, "You read that? Yeah", he smiled a bit while stirring his tea, "It's quite a change, mate. At first we didn't wanna rush it, because when a relationship becomes public everyone will know about it. And what's the fun in that, right?" Niall was still smiling at his tea cup, while Harry played with the rings on his finger, lightly furrowing his eyebrows, "and we also wanted to make sure it wouldn't be a fling consisting of two weeks, but after a while we both noticed it just really works well between us", Niall finally looked at Harry again, who stopped fumbling with his hands and put a smile on his face.

"I think you made the right decision."

Niall beamed, "Yes! I thought so too. I obviously wanted it to tell you guys yesterday, but", he stopped stirring his tea, "I guessed that it maybe wasn't the right moment."

Harry's smile faded away like the sun did for a moment outside. Maybe it was because of the lack of sunlight that caused Harry to talk softer than he normaly does, "I didn't wanna like, cause a scene or anything."

"You didn't cause a scene. I completely understand", Harry shifted on his stool, "I would've left as well. Especially when they started talking about Eleano-"

"I don't care about her", Harry's eyes were focussed on the plant that was standing on the table.

He could hear Niall thinking through the noise that the people at the table next to theirs were making, "Did Louis, by any chance, text you this morning?" Harry shook his head, looking confused, "Or yesterday evening?" Harry shook his head again, "At all?"

"He did text me 'you too' when I wished him a happy 'ten years anniversary'", Harry said matter of factly, "and a few months ago about our similar haircut."

"That's not much."

Harry looked at his fingers that were wrapped around the teacup, "It's normal. What made you think he would text me?" 

"Just curious", Niall sipped some of his tea. "I also just want you to know that...Lou didn't tell Phoebe it was only me and Li being there", Harry put his tea away again, "He just told her he was having 'a little reunion with the lads' and pheebs just assumed he didn't invite you in. He told me and Liam that when you left."

Harry slowly began noddig his head while looking at the plant again, "That makes sense", he looked at Niall again, "Thanks."

Niall gave him a little tap with his foot, "No problem, mate."

After they had a long conversation about the unusual weather, their new solo albums and Niall's eating habits, they stood up.

"I can't believe you're going for a walk", Niall pointed to Harry, "when I almost melted while walking from my car to the cafeteria, and that was no more than 20 feet."

"I won't be going in the afternoon. That'd be crazy."

"I kinda see you doing that", Harry raised his eyebrows, "Ah c'mon, you wrote an entire album about sunflowers, watermelon and everything else that has to do with summer and sunny weather."

Harry smiled and looked around him as if he didn't know who'd just said that.

Niall rolled his eyes, "I'll be seeing you, then?"

"Of course", Harry waved and they went in opposite directions.

* * *

When Harry had inserted the key in his front door, he mentally slapped himself for not just going to watch some netflix and eat chips with Niall. Because now he came home to a house which was, since he and Camille had split up, empty most days.

Harry had to admit that sometimes it was fun to be home alone; he would bake some cakes and blast loud music from the speakers in his living room. Harry could also just run naked around the house or act like a runway model, while trying his new gucci outfits on with different types of nail polish and hairstyles.

But other times he would just look around, and couldn't get rid of his thoughts as he'd notice how big his house actually was with no one there beside him.

Harry immediately collapsed on the couch in the living room since he was too tired to do much besides that.

While playing with a strand of hair, he listened to the birds that were chirping loudly ('protesting against the hot weather', Niall had said) in his large backyard. Due to the lack of talking, music or other noises in Harry's house, it was the dominant sound for his ears. sometimes the different types of birds were so in tune with each other, that it was almost like he could hear them singing a melody. 

They convinced him to finally grab the notepad, which he used for little bursts of sudden inspiration and had actually avoided the past few weeks, from under one of the cushions, and pick up the pen that was laying underneath the table. 

After a good five minutes of staring at a blank page, he gripped the pen a bit tighter as it slowly made contact with the paper.

> 'Time has healed me
> 
> I'm doing better
> 
> and when my friend said you'd text me
> 
> I know better'

Harry was so focussed on choosing a nice beat, that he hadn't noticed the ache in his stomach until he finished the last letter and read the sentences again in his head.

*

_"What are you writing?"_

_Louis leaned his head on my shoulder to read the lines on the paper, as-_

*

With one swift movement, he had put the notepad back under the cushion and walked towards the kitchen to drink some water. 

Feeling even less awake now, he picked the ingredients out that were needed for vegetarian spaghetti. He frowned as he couldn't find the grated cheese, so Harry slammed the fridge door shut, and walked to another fridge in the room next to the kitchen.

Luckily the other fridge contained the cheese he wanted. Harry sighed in relief.

*

_"You're tired as well?"_

_I felt a warm hand softly closing my eyes and carefully stroking my hair. The movements made my eyelids even heavier._

_"A bit."_

_his hand stopped caressing when he cupped my cheek, "We could go to bed early if you wa-"_

*

Harry grabbed the cheese, closed the frige with a loud 'thut' and walked back toward the empty kitchen. He then turned on the radio to put an end to the oppressive silence in his house, as he continued making dinner for himself.

Humming along to 'Beautiful People' by Ed Sheeran, he took his plate of vegetarian spaghetti and went to sit on the kitchen table in the middle of the room. 

Placing his left leg over the other one, he started rubbing his hands over his face. He didn't know what he was staring at, and not having memorized the sad song that was playing on the radio at that moment, he let the pain in his chest take over his senses.

*

_He was quietly laughing in my ear, as we were laying side by side._

_"Haz, there are 53 of them."_

_"No, there are just 52. I've counted!"_

_"I've counted too, and they're really with 53. Actually, there are even 54." Lou carefully wrapped his hand around mine, in which I was holding one of the flowers._

_"See?" his voice had become a lot quieter as he took the flower out of my loosened grip, and put it in my hair, right behind my ear._

*

Harry noticed he had closed his eyes when he was opening them again. A strange relaxation hit him as he yawned and brought his plate to the sink. He made a deal with himself to clean up tomorrow, so he could tug in bed early and get some extra hours of sleep. He would even skip his daily walk.

In bed however, just like the night before, those hours seemed miles away as he couldn't get rid of a certain, not talked about, memory.

*

_Feeling confident, I looked around the room: the lights were dimmed in both chambers, but were replaced by the dreamlike light coming from the scented candles. Two light grey and beige ones were positioned in the candle holder around the corner in the living room, and multiple light blue and green candles were placed on the windowsill and on the coffee table._

_The result was that the kitchen and living room were lit in green and blue lights and smelled like vanilla. I inhaled the smell as it both relaxed me and invited me in._

_Looking at my watch to see it was 5:57 P.M., I already sat down with a big smile stuck on my face._

_I couldn't wait to see his face when he opened the door to the kitchen and was stopped mid-scentence as he looked at what was right in front of him. He would give me that look he first gave me when I serenaded him 'little things' in front of a whole crowd, and he wouldn't be able to describe the beauty of the scene._

_His gaze would fall on the sky-like table cloth that was covered with daisies and pink rose petals, and on the only dark blue candle in the room, which was proudly standing in the middle of the kitchen table._

_I would see that light in his eyes again which I fell in love with all those years ago._

_Waiting quietly, I watched the timer on the oven and sometimes glanced over to the driveway. Occasionally, a car would come into my eyesight, but each one drove away like they didn't even notice the house._

_After a few minutes, the timer of the oven went off, and I walked towards the freezer to check if I had gotten both the strawberry and vanilla flavoured ice cream ._

_Checking my watch another time, I lightly frowned: it was 6:23 P.M. I glanced over to the driveway again- still empty. My heart started beating faster as I started fumbling a bit with my rings._

_Taking my phone out of my pocket, my heart suddenly stuttered for a moment._

> (6:05 P.M.) **Lou** 🌺: Haz I think I'll be staying here for a bit. Im having dinner with el
> 
> (6.06 P.M.) **Lou🌺:** See you tonight
> 
> (6.08 P.M.) **Lou🌺:** love you
> 
> (6.28 P.M.) **You** : Ok
> 
> (6.28 P.M.) **You** : Enjoy your meal
> 
> (6.28 P.M.) **You** : I love you too

_I looked away, and slowly put the phone back in my pocket as I pointlessly looked over at the driveway again._

_I felt like something inside me, which had been there for a few months now, was slowly twisting again and made sure something was cracking in the most hurtful way. When my eyes started filling themselves with tears, I honestly didn't know if it was because of the emotional or the physical pain that the emotional one was causing._

_Eventually, my stomach started grumbling and I stood up to get my half of the meal on a plate. Not wanting to be in the kitchen or living room, I took it upstairs to our bedroom after blowing out the candles."_

_I tried a first bite- which tasted okay, and then checked my phone to see no further messages. After negligently cutting my food, I took a second one, which didn't taste half as good as the first bite._

_Hoping he'd texted me to say he'd come home anyway, I checked my phone again- no messages. A few moments later I thought I saw his profile picture litting up the screen, but it appeared to be just a shadow._

_Knowing those things would only happen in my most beautiful dreams, I turned off my phone and put it away in the bedside drawer._

_That's where I was met with the sight of my trusty notepad. The one that kept all my secrets, and turned my unspoken words into meaningful melodies._

_So, taking my pen, I carefully and lightly wrote down the words that were stuck inside my head._

> _'I know I'm not your only_
> 
> _but I'll still be a fool for you_
> 
> _Just a little bit of your heart is all I want_
> 
> _Just a little bit of your heart is all I'm asking for'_

_Shakingly placing my notepad next to my phone and closing the drawer, I felt my eyes fall shut and let out a frustrated sound as I tightly gripped the sheets with my fists, while my knuckles were turning whiter and paler. I opened my eyes- a lonely tear rolled down my cheek- as a thought suddenly hit me._

_'Is he laughing with her at this moment?'_

_I turned around, so that I was facing the wall, and not his side of the bed._

_'Is he tickling her and whispering things to her?'_

_'Is he putting flowers in her hair?'_

_Curling into a ball, I felt my tears falling more regularly now. If only falling asleep was this easy._

_Laying on my back, I looked up at the wall._

_'Would it be more painful if he didn't remember today was one of 'their days', or if he just didn't care?'_

_'Does he care?'_

_'Does he still want me?'_

_I swallowed audibly, 'Does he still love me?'_

*

Turning his gaze from the window, Harry got out of bed and walked, while constantly scrunching his nose, to the bathroom. He was met with a tall, lean figure with brown, curly hair in the mirror. He was looking into the eyes of someone who was physically there, but was in reality in the body of his younger, more naive self. 

*

_'Harry curly mac Hazza bear!' I choked on my coke as a very bubbly Louis litterally jumped on me, causing us to almost fall on the floor._

_Calming down from my almost dead experience, I looked into the blue eyes that held more life in them than all the flowers and trees surrounding us on the field._

_"What's up?" I tried hiding my blush by resuming to drink my coke._

_Louis suddenly started scratching his head, and looked down with a small smile. He then sat down on the grass, which was still a bit wet considering it had rained the night before. He patted the spot beside him, and I complied._

_For a minute we just sat there, comfortably living in each other's presence, while watching the last water droplets falling down from the leaves of the tree of which branches were hanging above us. Occasionaly we heard a few birds singing and watched them as they flew away._

_I've always loved the tranquility of the morning sights, and getting to share them with Louis- I looked at him- made them even prettier._

_Putting my attention on him instead of the beautiful nature around us, I saw Lous biting his lip. He giggled and swept his hear out of his eyes._

_"Ehm...", he looked at me, but then looked away and giggled again. It was more softly this time, "I was wondering if-", he let out a deep breath and then turned his whole body and gaze to me, "-if maybe you'd like to move in together with me? After the X-Factor, I mean", he finished quickly after seeing my puzzled look._

_My lips parted slightly, but no sounds were coming from my mouth, as I clearly didn't have any vocabularity left._

_"I mean, we've only just kinda joked about it and stuff and I understand if you-", Louis looked down at his hand that was playing with a daisy, "-want to keep living with your mum and Gemma or with one of the other lads, and- or if you don't want to, I'll just-"_

_"I'd love to live together with you."_

*

Harry washed his face in the mirror, and took one last glance at his now completely wet face before he walked to his bedroom again.

Throwing himself on the bed, he checked his phone to see it was already 11:30 P.M. He then furrowed his eyebrows as he looked a bit closer to the device laying innocently in his hand.

He got two text messages from an unknown number, although the digits looked way too familiar for Harry.

 **+07...:** _Hey. Look what I found_

**+07...:**

: 

**+07...:** From holding a microphone to holding a bottle of wine ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for coming this far with reading my story!  
> I really enjoy writing it.  
> I'll be uploading each Saturday and if you have any thoughts, I'd love to read them in the comments. :)


	5. The peculiar fish and the dry armadillo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'We haven't spoke since you went away,  
> Comfortable silence is so overrated,  
> Why won't you ever say what you want to say?  
> Even my phone misses your call  
> by the way.'
> 
> \- From the Dining Table by Harry Styles

"What did I just send?" Louis facepalmed himself, as he was looking at his girlfriend through his fingers, who had just grabbed Louis' phone that was laying on the coffee table.

Eleanor leaned back on the coach again, and crossed her legs, "You said: 'hey. Look what I found!'"- Louis rolled his eyes at her monotone voice, "Then you sent him a fanmade picture of past Harry and recent Harry, followed by 'From holding a microphone to holding a bottle of wine' with a winky face at the end."

"I know what I had sent him already, but thanks for the repetition, love."

Eleanor smirked, "You asked me what you had sent him."

"Yeah, and it was horrible. Why did no one tell me this was a bad attempt?"

"Well, we tried. You just wouldn't listen."

"I don't like hearing Liam talk", Louis rolled his eyes.

"Maybe this was a good time to not take his opinion with a grain of salt."

Louis raised one hand in a defensive manner, and put it down almost instantly, "but Payno told me to just ask how he was doing or talk about his song 'Watermelon Sugar', but like", Louis paused, "that's so random."

Raising one of her eyebrows, Eleanor chuckled, "and comparing a microphone to a bottle of wine isn't?"

"No, I could've just come across that picture on Twitter or something, and-"

"So that would mean you were stalking Harry stan accounts on social media?"

"I've never said anything about stalking", Louis took his phone out of Eleanor's hand, "Anyway, it's been two hours and he still hasn't reacted yet. I'm going to bed. You coming?"

After shaking her head she heared Louis walking upstairs. Eleanor got her phone out of her pocket.

> **Liam:** _I hope he's keeping my advice in mind_
> 
> **You:** _Keep on hoping?_

* * *

Louis could faintly make out El's footsteps which were leading to their bed. Her small feet were tip toeing around the room, afraid to wake him. Eleanor finally reached her destination, and he felt the covers being pulled up.

As usual, Eleanor went to sit upright for a few minutes, before turning off her phone and moving to the right side of the bed. She turned her back to Louis, and made sure she wasn't lying on her hair. Luckily, Louis never got slapped with Eleanor's braids, because he was lying quite a few inches away from her.

Louis, who had been tossing and turning, finally fell asleep. However, instead of meeting a black screen while closing his eyes, he was standing face to face with his younger self.

*

 _Trying to see what was going on above the heads of thousands of people, I saw a young boy standing on the stage. He had blue eyes, brown, feathery hair and was clearly very anxious. I_ _watched him walking slowly towards the microphone, which was standing at the front of the stage. He took a deep breath, fumbled a bit with his sweater and started singing._

_However, the singing was far from good. The boy didn't reach one single note, and soon people all around me were throwing things at him before even walking away._

_"Is this what my daughter is here for?!" I could hear a middle-aged woman scream above the others, She had her arms around a crying girl who was wearing a shirt of my new merch. "This is a scandal!"_

_It was like my legs were frozen to the ground: I couldn't move. I couldn't run away or get on the stage to drag him away. But even if I was able to move, I would never reach him, considering hundreds of people were pushing me aside to head to the exit as fast as possible._

_Meanwhile, the sound of the microphone got turned up, each time the boy sang a word. Parents quickly brought their hands over their children's ears, and soon everyone was standing outside._

_Except for me and 19 year old Louis, who was dropping to his knees at the middle of the stage, and just like that, the lights dimmed and the music stopped._

_I could just faguely make out the silhouet of him sitting there, but there was still no sound coming from my lips._

_"Lou?"_

_I looked around me, but only saw the empty seats and footprints staring back. There was no one there, just us._

_I turned to the stage. I swore I could hear a sob. Then I heard it again._

_"Lou?"_

_It was more clear now, but as I could more and more make out the owner of the voice asking for me, the stage became fuzzier._

_As though someone had just picked me up and pulled me out of the real surreality, I was suddenly lying in bed again._

_Seeing the first few rays of sunshine coming through the window, I closed them again with a content sigh as I listened to the familiar sounds of the summer morning._

_"Lou?"_

_I turned around and was faced with a curly man, lying next to me._

_"Harry?" I asked incredulously. "What are you doing here?"_

_The man giggled, and moved closer to me, so that our knees touched. "You're so funny when you're just awake", I felt goosebumps everywhere, "Would you rather have me sleeping on the floor?"_

_"No", I whispered as Harry intertwined our hands, "you have a moustache?"_

_Harry smiled, "and your hair is getting longer", he paused for a moment, "Lou, can I ask you something?"_

_"Anything."_

_One moment, Harry was looking at our playing feet, but in a flash he suddenly looked up with a hardened face and thin lips, "Why did you text me, yesterday?" The harder sound coming from his lips was echoing in their bedroom, as though it was said from multiple microphones which were standing in all of the corners, caging me._

_I opened my mouth, but didn't get the chance to explain myself._

_"I thought I had made it clear that I didn't want to see you again. So why do you suddenly act like nothing has changed, huh?"_

_"Ha-"_

_"Don't", his face was shrouded in darkness, "call me 'Hazza'. Get out of my sight, Louis."_

*

Opening his eyes, Louis was met with an empty spot on the right side of the bed. It only took him a few seconds to register he was dreaming.

Grabbing his phone from the nightstand, only to find two messages from one of his co-writers, he almost threw the phone out of the window.

Because why, why did he let himself get convinced to text him, and why did he think, if only the smallest of moments, Harry would text him back?

Like nothing's changed?

Louis got himself out of bed to walk downstairst. On his way, he was met with the brilliant smell of pancakes.

"El?"

Eleanor calmly turned around, with the spatula still in hand, only to furrow her eyebrows at a stressed Louis.

"Lou, what's wrong?" 

He slowly closed the door and swept a hand through his messy hair. He felt like he had gained 30 pounds over night, and with every step he took towards the countertop he felt the mass weighing him down. "I shouldn't have texted him."

Louis suddenly saw something interesting that was laying still on the ground, "It was a bad idea."

"Of course it wasn't a bad idea, Louis!" Eleanor met him in the middle of the kitchen, where Louis had stopped his movements. "With you sort of being band mates and all that, it's good to at least be in contact with each other." For outsiders it could have seemed like someone was telling her younger brother to be nice to other children on the playground.

He looked at her, "and what if he doesn't want the contact?"

A short silence fell over them, as Eleanor rested her elbow on the countertop. "Then he won't react", Louis shifted, "but listen, Lou...what do you have to lose? Him?"

Louis froze at the question, slowly opening his mouth.

"You can't lose someone twice, you know?" Eleanor tilted her head a bit to catch Louis' eyes again, which had drifted off to that one spot on the floor again. "I mean", she had his attention again, "now and then you lose someone, and it sometimes can _feel_ like you're gonna lose them twice."

"How do you mean, ' _feel_ '?" It came out more bitchy than he had intented.

Eleanor gave a small smile, "I think that if he won't text you, you've just already lost him", she lost her eye contact with him "but if he does want the contact, he's probably never been able to let it go. Either way, you shouldn't be afraid of losing him."

Louis looked at the spider in the upper corner on the left side of the window, which was creating an almost invisible, but complicated web. Both scenarios were painful: the first one would mean that Harry could easily erase Louis out of his life. Like Louis had been nothing more than a small feather on Harry's creation, and like he wouldn't be pained by letting him fall to the ground. Or both of them would have uselessly been spending years of trying to let go of something that had already been burnt bright to ashes and was buried under their multiple layers of skin and tattoos. Kept, but hidden. Cherished, but unreachable.

"Lou?" El snapped her fingers, "I asked if you wanna go with. I'm taking Bruce and Cliff out for a walk."

"Oh...yeah, okay."

Louis had hoped that August would quit pre-ordering crazy hot weather, but unfortunately it still wasn't exactly the kind of temperature you'd like to be faced with while walking with your dog. 

"Have you seen the merch of Cliff and Bruce?" Eleanor said, while locking the front door.

Louis had already taken a few steps, "Obviously". Then he stopped walking, "We actually should buy some of it. "

Both smirking, Eleanor began nodding, "We definitely should."

The rest of the walk was spent in a semi-comfortable silence, consisting of Eleanor finding a good subject to talk about and Louis trying his hardest to ignore the sun burning his skin.

In 20 minutes they got back, both sweaty and irritated because of the sauna outside. Louis immediately went to sit on the couch and was absolutely not ignoring his phone to evade a disappointing blank screen when he unlocked it.

"Lou? Your phone was on the table. Do you wanna check it?" Chuckling humorlessly, Louis took the phone from her and quickly made an important note to himself to always tell Eleanor Calder what he's trying to achieve (or not).

Sighing, he typed in his password and was met with the same messages from on of his co-writers that he still hadn't 'seen', and a few messages from Harry.

Just like after you accidentaly dropped your phone or overslept, it took Louis a few moments of staring and blinking until he widened his eyes and his chest felt like it had just extended.

As quickly as when you try to unsuccesfully save that phone or rush out of bed to catch the long-gone train, he opened the message.

Then of course he didn't know what to say. Eleanor went to sit beside him.

> **Harold:** _It's not like I'm not holding a microphone anymore._
> 
> **Harold:** _It's just both now, I guess._
> 
> **Harold:** _I'm still a singer._

Louis couldn't ignore the sort of formality in Harry's sentences, which hit him straight in the middle of his expanded chest. "He texted back?" he asked Eleanor with a small voice.

"I'm not surprised actually", Eleanor said. "After all, you've seen him twice this month."

"Yeah, but that was different. It was a reunion", Louis started talking even more quietly, "and besides, the other lads were there too."

Eleanor chuckled lightly, "Lou, he wouldn't have come if he hated you as much as you think he does."

With those words spoken, Louis' mind began working extra hours. 

"and what if he's just being nice?" Louis bit his lip, feeling like he figured it out, "Harry would never ignore someone just like that. He's that kind of person that would say 'bless you' if his mortal enemy sneezed." 

Eleanor shook her head, "You don't know what he's thinking at this moment."

"No, but what if he had to because of...someone?"

"That doesn't even make sense."

Louis went to sit more upright, "Maybe it does, and what if he's-"

"What if you just stopped acting like a prophet and just go with the flow? Just text him back and see where it goes."

"Prophets know everything. I'm only speculating", Louis tried to sass himself out of it.

"Well, that doesn't work either."

Louis sighed, "I guess I'm left with no choice then." Eleanor furrowed her eyebrows as she watched him type 'how to text someone you haven't seen in years' in the search bar.

"You litterally saw him three days ago."

Louis glared at her, "Two, but that's not the point, you dry armadillo."

Laughter filled the room as Louis continued to search for interesting things to text. Every now and then Eleanor asked him an annoying question. ' _What do you want to do with the contact'?_ and _'shall I text Liam he has finally reacted?'_ were a few memorable ones. Naturally, Louis' reactions were _'I don't know'_ and _'No!'_ .

Eleanor suddenly let out a high-pitched laugh, "Lou, look, it says: _'Hey (insert name), it's been awhile, are you still playing football after all these years?'_ Harry can't even play, right?"

Faking a laugh, Louis clicked on another site. 

"Either way, I think you should just text him the first thing that pops into your head."

Louis definitely wasn't planning on doing that, "Sure. I'll take it upstairs, yeah?" He gave Eleanor a kiss on her cheek, "Thanks for the advice, love. We're still watching that one Disney movie next week?"

Eleanor scratched her neck, "Yeah, sure, but can it maybe wait a bit? I'm going on a vacation with the girls in a few days."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah that's fine." He took a step in the direction of the door leading to the hall, "We'll just watch it another time."

As Eleanor nodded, he was already on his way to their room. And after five short, yet long minutes of choosing between endless phrases and varieties of word use, Louis finally made a decision.

> **Harold:** _It's not like I'm not holding a microphone anymore._
> 
> **Harold:** _It's just both now, I guess._
> 
> **Harold:** _I'm still a singer._
> 
> **You:** [ **Harold:** I'm still a singer.] _Yeah, I know. It wasn't meant to come over as an insult_ 😅
> 
> **You:** _I've heard Watermelon Sugar High is doing good._

_After he had sent the message, Louis instantly regretted it and immediately saw mistakes in every letter he wrote. He couldn't take it back though._

> **You:** _I mean Watermelon Sugar, sorry_

*

> **_0147...:_ ** _Yeah, thanks._
> 
> **You:** _i'll see you at the Teen Choice Awards then_
> 
> **You:**?

*

"Lou?" Eleanor walked through their bedroom door with a bright smile on her face, "I've made sandwiches. You coming?"

Louis stood up without hesitation, "Obviously."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what to say right now, so I'll just leave you with this:
> 
> 'On this day 19years ago...my hero was born. Happy birthday to my man crush @Louis_Tomlinson ;) Yayyy!!'
> 
> If you can guess who tweeted that, you officially belong to the 99% of the smartest people on this planet.  
> From now on I'll post a chapter each Sunday instead of Saturday. That's because of my new schedule for work. Thanks for reading :)


	6. To cook or to order? That's the question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Make a little conversation,  
> so long I've been waiting  
> to let go of myself and feel alive,  
> So many nights I thought it over,  
> told myself I kind of liked her,  
> but there was something missing in her eyes.'
> 
> \- Home, by One Direction (written by Louis)

You know that situation in which someone has texted you, but you don't know what you should say, or if you should say anything at all, so you just don't open the message?

Well that was the situation Harry found himself in.

Confused he had picked up his phone, which was bleeping multiple times in a row, to see more messages coming from his sort of ex-bandmate.

> **+07...:** _Yeah, I know. It wasn't meant to come over as an insult_ 😅
> 
> **+07...:** _I've heard Watermelon Sugar High is doing good._
> 
> **+07...:** _I mean Watermelon Sugar, sorry_

He had stared at the texts for a good ten seconds, before swiping them to the left to deal with it later.

After a few hours had passed, he found himself peeling potatoes on a chair in front of his tv. He wasn't particularly watching something interesting, but sometimes it was nice to have another sound fill the house instead of your own footsteps or songs that carry more than just a simple melody. 

Harry had always wondered if potatoes had feelings. It might sound weird, but everytime he thought about it he couldn't draw a definite conclusion: like all living things they needed water and other things to survive, but would that mean they could also feel pain when you for instance throw them on the floor? Maybe potatoes die when people pull them out of the ground, and is Harry now holding a corpse in his hands. Or it could be that they're just weak, and Harry's now peeling their skin off in a very painful way. 

Frowning he tried to cut less deep into a smaller one.

> _**+07...:**_ _Yeah, I know. It wasn't meant to come over as an insult_ 😅
> 
> **_+07...:_ ** _I've heard Watermelon Sugar High is doing good._
> 
> _**+07...:** I mean Watermelon Sugar, sorry_

Harry looked at his phone that was laying on the coffee table. He focussed his attention on the potatoes again.

*

_"No! We should call ourselves 'Niall and the potatoes'!"_

_"What?" Liam looked confused with a hint of annoyance._

_"Yeah", Niall scratched his head, "you know, if everyone's just shouting something, I can make a suggestion as well."_

_Liam groaned, "Arggh, we must have come up with a name by tomorrow evening! We can't just waste our time by joking around!"_

_"What do you guys think of One Direction?" I looked down as I felt four pairs of eyes looking at me. "It just came up to me last night, and it kinda stuck or something."_

_"One Direction...", Liam leaned back, resting his weight on his hands while looking at the ceiling. "That sounds pretty good, actually."_

_I sighed, relieved Liam had approved it._

_Looking around the circle, I saw Zayn nodding at no one in particular and Niall was whispering the name in different contexts ('Give it up for One Direction...Here are Niall, Liam, Harry, Louis and Zayn, also known as One Direction...')._

_Then I looked at Louis, who was sitting next to me. How could his eyes still be so bright, even though the room was almost completely dark?_

_He was still looking at me, so I didn't focus my gaze elsewhere. But it was just his way of showing he liked the name I came up with, right?_

*

"Maybe I should call Gems. I haven't spoken to her in a week", Harry said to no one in particular. Grabbing his phone from the table turning off the tv, and placing the bowl of potatoes on the countertop, he dialed the number of his sister.

_'Harry? Hey, what's up?'_

> _**+07...:** I mean Watermelon Sugar, sorry_

"I don't know. Not much, I think", Harry looked at the bowl, "Just finished peeling off the potatoes for dinner, and I thought, why not give my favourite sister a call?"

Harry knew Gemma long enough to know she was rolling her eyes.

_'I heard from mum you met up with Niall and co again. It was fun then?'_

"Yes. It was nice."

_'What did you guys do?'_

"Oh, we just, you know, ate food and stuff."

_'You went out for dinner?'_

"No."

_'So, where did you go then?'_

"We just kinda stayed at one of our houses."

_'Whose house?'_

It took him two seconds to answer, but made up for it by talking quicker, "Louis."

_'Oh.'_

"Yeah."

It didn't take long for Gemma to speak up again, _'So, are you two sort of in contact with each other again?'_

> **_+07...:_ ** _sorry_

"No. We're not. Hey, are you by any chance free tomorrow afternoon? We could have lunch or something."

_'Would be fun, but I'm actually going on a date tomorrow, sorry.'_

> _**_+07...:_ ** _sorry_ _

"Oh, that's okay. Have fun then."

_'Definitely.'_

Hanging up, Harry was once again met with the disturbing silence of a large house, as he didnt have anyone to break it with. The funny thing about silence is you notice its presence even more when there was talking just a few seconds ago.

His phone was still in his hand.

* * *

"That's it. I'm going for a smoke."

"Why? It can be here any minute."

"Yeah, you also said that twenty minutes ago. Just call me when it's actually here."

Eleanor grabbed a sigarette and went outside to the backyard.

"Someone has a bad day", Louis whispered to himself, "they're not even that late yet. It's only", Louis checked his phone, "5:3-"

> **Harold:** _Yeah. It's doing good._

His phone lighted on fire, when he noticed Harry was still typing. For the safety of his hands, he quickly went offline and turned it off.

> **Harold:** [ **You:** Yeah, I know. It wasn't meant to come over as an insult 😅] _I'm not insulted._

He waited 10 seconds. Then another ten seconds. Then five. Uselessly clearing his throat, Louis came online again.

> **You:** [ **Harold:** I'm not insulted.] _Good._
> 
> **You:** _So, what are you up to today?_
> 
> **Harold:** _I'm cooking dinner._
> 
> **You:** _Oh_
> 
> **Harold:** _And you?_
> 
> **You:** _I'm waiting for my pizza._
> 
> **Harold:** 😂
> 
> **You:** _What?_ 😅
> 
> **Harold:** _It just sounds like something you would do_
> 
> **You:** _Oh. Yeah, maybe_
> 
> **Harold:** _Enjoy your pizza then._
> 
> **You:** _You your dinner._

Louis looked at the plant in front of him. It suddenly stood out to him that it wasn't precisely standing in the middle of the table, so he moved it a bit to the left.

_Riiiiiing._

"Finally, the pizzas!" El came running through the back door like they hadn't eaten for 10 years and the sood supplies had just arrived. She opened the door, and was back in just a few seconds.

Taking the first slice of her vegan one, she sat back on the sofa, "You alright, Lou? You seem a bit quiet."

Louis handed her his phone.

Eleanor nodded (and chewed contently on her food) while reading the texts, "This is good, Lou! You're talking!"

"I'm aware of that, but it's called 'texting'."

"Oh please", Eleanor threw the phone in his lap, "don't act like this is normal and you're not a teeny little relieved he reacted."

He crossed his arms, but almost immediately stopped, "For a second I thought you were gonna call me 'tiny'."

"I wouldn't dare."

"Good, because you'd be dead."

After finishing their pizzas, Louis watched a movie while Eleanor updated her social media accounts and searched on the web for a new bikini. During some boring parts of the movie, Louis would point at some more colourful bikinis that were shown at her laptop, but Eleanor eventually settled with a black one, before announcing she'd go to bed. Louis, not sure what he would do otherwise, followed her upstairs.

Since the days were becoming shorter again, the covers seemed to get softer, and it was safe to say that at that moment Louis and his bed were best mates. 

Jumping on his old friend, he wrapped the blanket around himself, buried his face in the fluffy pillow and looked out the window.

It was dark outside.

*

_"Are they still behind us?"_

_"No, I think we've lost them!"_

_"Thank God", out of breath, he rested his head against the wall in the alleyway._

_I clutched my stomach,"You think they'll still be searching for us when the sun comes up?"_

_"If it's up to Simon..." Then we both started laughing._

_Lowering my voice, I tried mimicking one of the bodyguards and pretended like I held a phone by my ear, "Ehm", I coughed, "Good evening, Simon, I think we're having- a little problem here. You know that one couple, the one that's always causing trouble up-, yeah that one! Well, ehm, you see-"_

_Hearing voices, Harry quickly shut his hand over my mouth, and I felt my excitement grow when he carefully pinned me to the wall to stay out of sight, "shhh...", he whispered in my ear._

_"Do we run again?"_

_I raised one eyebrow._

*

"I hope you're at least sure about one thing, Lou."

He shifted a bit, to indicate he was listening.

"He doesn't hate you."

Louis slowly turned his attention from the window to his hands which were fumbling with his pillow.

* * *

"Niall-''

_'Hey mate, don't you think it's a bit late to-'_

"Did you convince Louis to text me-''

 _'It's seriously',_ Niall paused, _'2 A.M.- wait, what did you say?'_

"You heared me", Harry was sitting upright in his bed. The notepad was lying next to him, opened.

_'Look mate, we just gave him a suggestion to-'_

"We?"

_'Me, Liam and-, we initially just asked him if he wanted to stay in contact with you, just like us, but he-'_

"What did he say?"

_'If you stop interrupting me, maybe I can tell you before dawn. Why did you call me this late or early anyway?'_

"Couldn't sleep." A short silence followed.

 _'Oh',_ Niall started talking a bit softer, _'He told us he hadn't decided yet, and I believe Liam visited him the day after or so. They talked about it.'_

Harry groaned, "Why would he make such a big deal out of it?"

_'Ain't that obvious? You kind of ignored each other, you more than him to be honest, the past few years, and you didn't exactly seem like good lads when you left last Tuesday.'_

"He thought I would still ignore him?"

_'Wasn't that far from the truth, was it?'_

"Maybe not...Niall?"

_'Yeah?'_

Fumbling with his fingers, he tried steadying his breathing, "Do you think that, maybe, he regrets stuff?"

_'What kind of stuff do you mean?'_

"I don't know. Just stuff."

For a few moments he could only hear Niall's breathing. He felt his eyelids drop down, but he forced them to not give in just yet.

_'I honestly don't know, Haz, in both ways.'_

"Oh."

They said their goodbyes, and Harry felt himself sink into unconscious, where untold thoughts, hopes and fears were patiently waiting for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's probably not reading this, but if he is, Happy birthday, Liam!
> 
> Thank you guys for the support. I really appreciate it. I have to admit that this is my first story, and I still have to find my own style a bit, but I really enjoy it! And I'm definitely planning on writing more.  
> As for this story, I'll be posting each Sunday (due to work schedule).


	7. The bun and the headband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'We're not who we used to be,  
> we're not who we used to be  
> We're just two ghosts standing in the place of  
> you and me,  
> trying to remember how it feels to have a heart beat'
> 
> \- Two Ghosts by Harry Styles

> **Niall and the potatoes🌭** (Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)
> 
> **Nialler:** _Lets throw a little party_
> 
> **Nialler:** _for Liam_
> 
> **Payno:** [ **Nialler:** for Liam] _Awww_ 😊
> 
> **Payno:** _but you know I'll celebrate my birthday with an online show for the fans_
> 
> **Nialler:** _oh yeah i forgot_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Maybe w_ _e can do it a few days before that?_

It had been two weeks since Louis had enjoyed his last pizza. As a result of the long time without, nothing really spectacular had happened in that time.

Eleanor had been on a holiday for around a week, came back, and then stepped on the next plane a few days later. It left Louis home alone most time, apart from Bruce and Clifford of course. 

> **Niall and the potatoes🌭** (Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)
> 
> **Payno:** _I'd like that_ 🤗

It wasn't that Louis didn't enjoy having the house for himself, but after a few days he too was in need of some action and company. Complaining to Clifford about the rainy weather just didn't satisfy him, especially when those dogs were the reason Louis had to go outside.

Staying inside also meant Louis had been spending more time on his phone. He got in contact again with some ex-colleages and even got a phone call from Bebe.

Now, he was sitting at the kitchen table with a supply of chewing gum.

> **Niall and the potatoes** 🌭 (Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)
> 
> **Nialler:** _Let's go golfing then_
> 
> **Payno:** _Nooo_
> 
> **Nialler:** 😂

Harry had said he couldn't come to Louis', Nialls and Liams three-way face time, because he was having dinner with his family.

> **Niall and the potatoes** 🌭 (Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)
> 
> **You:** [ **Nialler:** Let's go golfing then] _Only if you're not coming_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Whats the fun in that haha_
> 
> **You:** _Simple.there'd be no golfing_
> 
> **Nialler:** _but seriously, u coming Tommo?_

Come to think of it, he and Harry haven't spoken since that last pizza night. Not that it's any different from the normal situation, naturally.

> **Niall and the potatoes** 🌭 (Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)

> **You:** _of course_
> 
> **Payno:** _At mine?_
> 
> **You:** _Yeah?_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Sure_
> 
> **Nialler: @ _Harold_** _u coming too?_

Louis really misses pizza. He doesn't get why he didn't order some more the past few days, since he was in charge of 'cooking'. He put another piece of gum in his mouth.

> **Niall and the potatoes** 🌭 (Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)
> 
> **Payno:** _I don't think he'll be reacting soon_
> 
> **Nialler:** _he's probably jogging or smh_
> 
> **Payno:** _but it's raining?_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Oh yeah forgot_
> 
> **You:** _How can you forget that?_
> 
> **You:** _I've closed every window in the house, and I still feel like Im in the middle of the bloody rainforest_
> 
> **Harold:** [ **Payno:** I don't think he'll be reacting soon] _I'm here._

He stopped chewing on his gum for a second.

> **Niall and the potatoes** 🌭 (Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)
> 
> **Nialler:** _Hello_
> 
> **Harold:** _Count me in Li._
> 
> **Payno:** _Great!_ 😁
> 
> **Nialler:** _We'll go to Liams then?_
> 
> **Harold:** _Or we could go to some sort of beach building thing_
> 
> **Nialler:** _Y_ _ou mean a party tent? Hahahha_
> 
> **Harold:** _Yeah thats fun._

*

_"You think they feel it when you squeeze them?" Harry intently looked at his tomato, before it was grabbed out of his grip by Niall._

_I glared at the latter._

_"Better not squeeze it, mate", Niall laid the tomato on the table again, so I gave it back to Harry. "Why do you even wonder about those kind of things?"_

_Harry looked a bit offended, "I wasn't planning on squeezing them. I'm just curious what they would feel if I did."_

_Niall shook his head as he got up to get himself a glass of water._

_"Maybe it only tickles a bit", I said to him._

_Harry's furrowing eyebrows relaxed, "You think?"_

*

> **Niall and the potatoes** 🌭 (Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)
> 
> **You:** _Fine by me_

* * *

After comparing their agendas and checking the weather reports (which was probably useless, considering there were gray clouds everywhere when Louis got in the car, instead of the promised sight of a blue sky), they finally set a date.

It was literally the day after.

As he stepped out of the vehicle with a bottle of champagne (Louis Roederer Cristal) and a badly wrapped up teddy bear that said ' _I'm Liam and I'm just naturally cute_ ' in his shoulder bag, he stopped dead in his tracks in front of a small hill.

Liam was already there, obviously. His clothes were mainly white, so he easily stood out. A few other close friends of his (not many, because of the corona measures) were standing around him, and given his pointing arm, he was probably showing them something which Louis couldn't see from afar.

Standing a bit further from the crowd, watching the waves and the horizon in a flower-printed suit, stood a man with mid-long curly hair. 

It was in a bun. Not a big one like in 2015, but it was definitely getting there. 

Louis closed his mouth when he realized it was open.

Approaching the light blue party tent, he saw Niall standing underneath it. He was standing next to a table with a pyramid of glasses, and many bottles of alcoholic drinks upon it. He dropped his bag.

"Nialler. Congrats with our labrador pup." Niall chuckled as he gave Louis a fist bumb with his elbow, before turning to the table again.

"I've offered to help", Niall said while filling a third glass, "you know how much he wants to be a good enough host."

Louis nodded, "I'll give you a hand." He waited till seventeen glasses were filled and then grabbed the plate from the table. He started walking towards Liam and his guests, who were apparently admiring the sea view. Louis felt the sea breeze rushing through his hair, and was glad he was wearing a headband.

Instead of shaking hands, he now just had to share a quick conversation with the guests. 

"Hi, I'm Louis." "Thanks for the champagne, man." "I've heard you just released your debut album! Congrats!" "Omg Louis! Can I please have your autograph? Oh no, it's not for me; it's for my son." "Who are you?" "So, you and the boys are in contact again?" "Hey Maya! You doing good?" "Are you and Niall doing all the work for me?! I'll be there in five!"

"Enjoying the waves?" Louis was for the fortieth time in his life faced with their height difference when Harry turned around.

It seemed like Harry was too, considering his eyes quickly went over his body. A few lose strands of his hair were dancing along with the wind.

"Yeah", Harry smiled as he grabbed a glass, but it was so subtle Louis could have mistaken it. "I was actually watching a sea gull."

"Oh", Louis looked at the sea gull that was drifting on the surface. Then he decided to go back to the tent.

"10 bottles for 17 people."

"We won't drink all of it. It's _just_ that I didn't know what everyone liked."

"So you _just_ decided to rob the whole store?"

"I did pay for it!"

Niall chuckled at Liam's fake-defensive tone, "That's probably something H would say, but he'd actually mean it."

Louis walked in when both were using the table for balance, "Something's up mates?"

"Nothing."

"Well, Liam here has-."

"Nothing."

Louis raised an eyebrow at Liam and Niall who were both smiling like two eight graders that had just succeeded in letting their paper plane take flight during class. He saw his bag laying in the corner. "Liam, I've got something for you!"

"Really?" 

Louis rolled his eyes, "It's your birthday?"

* * *

Eventually the sun was setting. Louis had given Liam his birthday presents (who almost forgot the measures when he saw the teddy bear, and grinned when Niall said '11 for 17 people' upon seeing Louis' bottle of champagne). He was now standing with the others on the already cold sand.

They watched the sun slowly disappear, as though it was being pulled downwards. "I now get why people once thought the sun was revolving around the Earth and not the other way around", Niall said.

"The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe." Niall gave Louis a confused look, "I saw that once on google".

"Louis? Niall? Are you coming too?" They nodded and followed Maya to the circle of chairs which was surrounding a table with snacks and drinks. Most of the guests were still there, but Louis knew one or two had to be home early, so he didn't question it when not everyone was present. The smaller amount of people made the circle seem a little bit cosier, but that could also have been because of the soft red and orange colours in the sky.

Niall took his seat next to Harry, leaving just one chair on the right side of the Irish one, and one to the left of Harry. Louis sat down next to Niall and put his feet behind the front legs of his light brown chair.

"It's still too bad we can't have a bonfire", Liam said while looking at the flames. He was sitting between Louis and Maya.

Niall leaned a bit more forward, causing Harry to amost fall of his chair with an attempt to follow the conversation as well.

"Tables with lots of food is good as well, mate", Niall pointed to his plate of chicken skewers, and took another bite.

Louis got the lighter out of his pocket. "Besides", he smirked and tilted his head to the table, "it's made out of wood." He lit the lighter up.

Leaning backwards again to watch the lighter, Harry's eyes brushed past Louis'. They paused for a second.

Niall just laughed and Liam looked a bit concerned, so Louis put it away again.

"Li, dont we have something to do?" Niall asked.

Liam didn't exactly seem like he got his head around it.

"That thing you know", Niall pointed with his head to the party tent, "what we talked about a few hours ago."

"You mean getting new drink-"

"No, just", Niall pulled a startled Liam out of his chair, "come." In the distance Louis could vaguely make out Niall whispering something in his ear, and Liam having his 'Eureka' moment as he clapped Niall on the back.

The brown chair Niall had left unoccupied now seemed more like a wall.

"What was that about?" Harry kept looking at the two silhouettes.

"I don't know, but it at least wasn't corona proof."

He heard Harry chuckling, but then again, it might have been imagination given the low volume.

It suddenly stood out to Louis how many empty chairs were actually surrounding them. On the other side of the circle was still a group of six people chatting together (he couldn't make out what they were talking about, and he also had no intention in finding out). It made Louis feel like they were all playing checkers, and now he didn't know what to do when almost all his fellow teammates were gone.

Should Louis move his checker to somewhere else, or would it be better to stay on the same tile? In that case, his neighbor would have to resituate, right?

Because when it's your turn while playing, someone had to make a move. And at this moment Louis felt it was just a matter of seconds before Harry would walk away.

Not that he minded of course.

Harry had crossed his legs and was embracing himself with both his arms, but he still didn't leave. 

So Louis didn't leave either. "Are you cold?"

"A bit", Harry's lips trembled slightly. 

Louis did nothing. He was wearing a vest, but he still made no attempt to put it off. He knew that in another universe, another time, at a different stage in his life he would have offered it without hesitaton. Hell, he would've offered his shoes and shirt and basically his whole wardrobe. Harry probably would already be wearing it, because Louis had sensed he felt cold before the boy could even acknowledge it himself. But now is now, and then was then. Now is different from then.

"It _is_ cold", Louis said instead, not looking the man in the eyes. "Just two weeks ago I had forgotten there was a phenomonon called 'cold'."

"Yeah, it was really warm outside", Harry shivered a bit, but didn't stand up to go home.

"I didn't do anything those days."

"In the early morning and late evenings the temperature was nice though."

Louis looked at Harry, "You were awake at...?"

"Sometimes 6 A.M."

"Bloody hell", Louis chuckled (not too loud though).

"It's really not as bad as you think, you know. It's quite therapeutic." Harry uncrossed his legs and looked at Louis who was slowly forgetting about checkers and black and white tiles. Not entirely though.

Why is having eye contact during conversations normalized? Louis never thought about that until now. 

"Why is it therapeutic?" Louis rested his elbow on the armrest and laid his head in his palm.

Harry fumbled with his fingers, "It's just beautiful in the first place. I just", Harry then used his hands to subtly assist his wording, "walk outside, and there's still no one on the streets", he looked at Louis again. "There are no cars. No talking. No rushing. Just birds and a starting sunrise."

Louis was the one to break the eye contact and look behind him at the party tent. "Do you think they're coming back?"

Leaning back in his chair, Harry crossed his legs again. 

Louis looked at the brown furniture in the middle of them. It was just a chair. Just a fooking chair. Maybe it was the alcohol that made him do stupid things, but Louis had done enough stupid things to know it couldn't just solely be that.

He stood up and walked on someone elses legs to the chair next to him. Looking to his left, he was met with confused and startled green eyes which were now just inches away from his.

Louis would just blame Niall Horan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's already September again...No wait I'll do it in twitter style  
> *** ******* ********* *****
> 
> I'll update each Sunday.
> 
> ***** *** ***** ***** ***** *** ******** ** ***** **** **** **** ** **** ***** *** **** *** **** ***** **** ***** **** ****** ********, *** ***** **** **** **** *** **** ****** **** **** *** *** ******** **** ******** ** ***** ** **** ****.  
> It's better if you don't decipher this, because it contains major spoilers. HEhE


	8. Watching the leaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Make a little conversation  
> So long I've been waiting,  
> to let go of myself and feel alive  
> So many nights I thought it over  
> Told myself I kind of liked her,  
> but there was something missing in her eyes'
> 
> \- Home by One Direction (co-written by Louis)

Harry swallowed. He looked at the sand, but noticed he could barely see anything and instead focussed his attention on his hands. The yellow nail polish on his right index finger was starting to crumble, so he sped up the process a bit.

In his peripheral vision he could see Louis playing with his sleeve. For his doing, he was sitting pretty straight. His legs even touched each other as he was sitting in a 'normal' sitting position.

"Almost dark."

Harry didn't look up. He just nodded.

"I hope we won't accidentally step on a crab or something."

After taking a cautious look at the sand beneath him, Harry put his feet on his chair. He saw Louis doing the same. His legs barely reached his shoulder, making Harry smile lightly.

"Now we're safe, right?", Harry looked at him. "Except when they're able to jump."

"I believe they can't." Just in case he laid his hands safely on the thin armrests.

"Have you ever been pinched by one?"

Harry shivered, "No, luckily not. And you?"

"Yeah, I've been. It was really unfair."

Harry chuckled, "I'm wondering what you did to that poor thing for it to turn against you."

"I was just five years old." Louis mildly protested. "I was young, innocent"-Harry raised an eyebrow-"alright, maybe not innocent, but I was a beautiful, defenseless, young child!"

"Yeah, go on."

"So, we were on holiday and I was standing on a beach, right? The sun had already set and I couldn't see everything very clearly"-

"You were out there at night?"

"Yeah, and I"-

"Why were you out there that late?"

"Oh, I just sneaked out, but as I was saying", (Harry facepalmed), "it was getting a bit dark, so I was on my way home. But suddenly I saw something big walking in front of me. Obviously I didn't freak out or something, but I was just curious about its identity. So I sat down on my heels, reached out my hand and then that disrespectful piece of crab just decided to grab it."

"Sounds painful."

"Painful? It felt like my finger got chopped of!"

Harry grinned, "Maybe it was just meant as a friendly handshake."

"Yeah right, because I squeeze someones hand to death the first time I see them."

Harry laughed, "Mostly you just sass people to death."

"Yeah, you should've seen me on the X-Factor."

The sunlight had sowly been fading away, but Harry begged to differ when he stared in the distance. _"You should've seen me",_ Harry suddenly got the feeling a crab with big pinchers had just violently attacked him in his stomach. He looked to the side to see Louis staring at the ground with his arms tightly around his legs.

His throat felt dry, "I actually di"-

"Doesn't matter. I don't really care." Louis paused for a moment, "I think I'm going inside. I'm cold." He stood up.

Harry nodded. The pinching took a side road.

Louis then turned around, "You coming with me? We're the last ones outside."

He looked around the circle and saw indeed no one looking back at him. He also noticed that, apart from the dimmed voices coming from the party tent, it was really quiet on the beach. It was almost completely dark because of the lack of street lights. Luckily there was still light coming from the party tent, so they wouldn't get lost on their way.

"Yeah." Harry stood up. "I brought a flashlight by the way, look", he got it out of his pocket, and shone it on the sand. 

"Sometimes you do come up with reasonable ideas."

Harry smirked at him. He then turned the flashlight to the right to shine it on Louis' face, but stopped midway.

They continued to walk in silence, until they reached the party tent and Louis gestured to Harry to go inside before him. Louis had to tie his shoes and came in a minute after.

* * *

It didn't matter for Louis that Harry had watched episodes of the X Factor UK 2018.

But really, what else could he have expected?

*

_I don't see him, though I know he's sitting behind me. He's wearing his white shirt, sweaty from all the running and pressure. His eyes don't look the same._

_My hand had tightened a bit when his voice blended in, but now it's gone again._

_I have sung this song so often, and we both know what is coming._

_I might be holding on to a lose string, and I promised not to look behind me anymore, but I still do. And I'm still seeing just his back._

*

After crossing almost every line out, Harry eventually put the notepad back in its hiding place again.

_'Her smile might be the smartest_

_but no day's gone by that I'm not missing yours_

_No day's gone by that I'm not seeing yours_ _'_

He stood up from the couch to go for a morning run. The weather was quite good if you're warm enough dressed for it, so Harry had put on a comfy black jumper with a matching beanie. He was ready to take on any weather, except maybe the hot days from a few weeks ago.

He started on a slow pace to let his legs get used to the activity, and because Harry wanted to admire the morning sights. That's what he told him about, yesterday.

Speeding up a bit, he started paying more attention to the sounds he heard. 

Like always, Harry didn't really plan on going anywhere, and like always, he automatically ran to the same spot.

It was a park, but not just a park. It was a park with an old bench that was always empty, as though everyone had forgotten there still was one. It must have been that, because the setting was absolutely breathtaking and Harry couldn't imagine someone thinking otherwise. Especially in the (almost) fall.

Harry sat down on the light brown bench and looked at the river in front of him. Ducks were quacking at each other in the way people were complaining about wanting coffee in the morning, and in the reflection of the water he could see the light that was becoming brighter with the second. Next to the bench stood an old tree, which was hanging a bit above it. Many birds like to call it their hideout, and every now and then a leaf would fall down on the grass. Like usual, Harry watched one slowly hit the ground.

*

_'I'm not home tonight, Haz.'_

_'Okay.'_

*

Last Spring Harry had found a nest somewhere in the middle of the tree. He had wanted to help the parent blackbirds to build their nest, but they quite clearly turned him down.

Another leaf joined the other. This one seemed to fall a bit slower, as though it didn't want to leave the comfortable tree.

*

_'Harry, I don't think I can make it tonight.'_

_I stop the tapping on the worktop and almost let the phone drop on the floor._

_'you're with her', is my first thought._

_My second one: 'why are you there and not here?'_

_The third one: 'I shouldn't be surprised'._

_The next ones I can't make up, because every vain in my body has a different opinion._

_One wants to throw my phone against the wall, some are determined to ask why he can't go home and others want to just hang up and spend the rest of the evening in bed instead of at the park in which we'd be having a date night out if it wasn't for this phone call._

_I hang up the phone._

*

_Bleep bleep._

**+07...:** _You're right about what you said yesterday about mornings._

 **+07...:** _Theyre indeed quite pretty_

Harry bit on his lip and felt a single tear roll down his cheek. He watched it fell on his phone screen.

Careful not to hit the keyboard, he swiped it away with his thumb.

*

_"Look at me", he presses his right hand to my cheek. "Are you truly okay?"_

*

 **You:** _Yeah I know._

 **+07...:** _I still would rather sleep in though_

 **+07...:** _its a bit quiet on the streets now_

*

_"Harry, are you still awake?" he is whispering, careful not to wake the others I think._

_"Yeah. What are you doing here?" I put my hair in a lazy bun._

_"I can't sleep."_

_"Oh."_

_Is he fumbling with his sleeves? "Do you think it's ok- can I sleep here please?"_

*

 **You:** _maybe a bit._

**You:** _depends on the morning_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 already. Damn.  
> Im looking really forward to chapter 9.
> 
> Thank you for keeping up with this story so far. If you have any suggestions or comments I would love to hear them.  
> I'll be posting each Sunday.


	9. we did, we could, I didn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I wanna love like you made me feel  
> when we were 18'
> 
> \- 18 by One Direction (co-written by Ed Sheeran)

After a while it started to become a bit noisier outside. Louis sat upright and looked at his watch: 8:30. He has been outside for over an hour now. 

Surprisingly, he had actually really liked the feeling of a quiet morning: obviously there were no cars or people he had to interact with, which was nice when 80% of his brain was still counting sheep. It wasn't just that though. Because of his sleepy brain, he didn't really think about anything. That, in combination with no one to tell him otherwise, he got the feeling like everything was possible. The day had yet to begun, so he didn't have to worry about anything. Why would he even be worrying about things that had happened in the past? 

Besides, Clifford had seemed to really enjoy himself. Louis looked at the dog that was now contently lying next to him on the grass. Clifford didn't really see Bruce around anymore, since Eleanor had been spending some time with Max and a couple other friends. She often brought Bruce along.

Maybe she knew Louis had a better relationship with Clifford than with Bruce.

Now that the city had come to life again, Louis' head was also waking up. It was like he had gone out, drunk lots of alcohol, met some people, and was faced with a terrible headache the morning after, causing him to bury his entire face in the pillow (because did he really say those things to that rich man and fell off the stairs while everyone was watching?) 

It had never been clear to Louis whether hangovers were caused by too much drinks or too many blunders.

He didn't have a hangover right now, but his head still hurt. 

*

_He was hesitating, but now he's slowly shaking his head. His eyes are fixated on me._

_"I don't think I still want this, Lou." I look down. "The lying and all that...people even think we hate each other."_

_I say the first thing that popped into my head, "Babe, no.", I'm looking at him, "I promise it'll be okay. Just give me some time." I reach out to him from where I'm sitting on our bed. I start stroking his hair, but I don't know who I am comforting out of the two of us. "Please. I don't want to lose you."_

_He nuzzles his head in my neck and a lock of his hair touches my lips. I want to kiss it. I hear him swallowing "alright."_

*

"Cliff, what are you doing?" he looked up with a typical dog stare ('you said something about food?'). Louis lightly scratched him behind his ears. "We humans could learn a lot from you guys. You never break promises."

Clifford yawned.

Louis stilled his hand gestures, causing Clifford to look at him, "I think I've made a mistake, mate. Maybe even more than one." The dog continued to look at him, and even the birds seemed to have stopped their singing in favour of listening. Louis started stroking him again.

"I wished I could unsay or undo certain things", he paused. "Because now...I'm afraid that they'll be the ones I remember instead of the good ones. I've even started to tell myself that by reliving certain moments I'm closer to them. It's like I can almost touch them and feel the way I felt back then." Clifford had laid his head on Louis' thigh. "And I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I hope that I was wrong about all this. That he might go back there as well. That he doesn't just remember all the bad things."

Clifford had yawned another three times and was now curled up in a ball, eyes closed. Louis stared off in the distance and saw a man and a woman walking hand in hand over the small bridge near the park they were sitting at.

"Some things I just can't change."

They continued to sit there for another few minutes until Louis decided to go home. While walking he checked his phone.

**El <3: ** _I think I'll be eating dinner with the girls_

 **You:** _You mean I'l have to actually cook dinner tonight?_

 **El <3: ** _Yess_

 **El <3: ** _You could always just order smt_

 **You:** _I've already orderd pizza or chinese thrice this week_

Thus this will be the fourth time Louis has to eat dinner without Eleanor. Someone else with a dog walked past him. 

**Harold:** _maybe a bit._

 **Harold:** _depends on the morning_

 **You:** _Are you on your way home already?_

 **Harold:** _No_

*

_"No. I want to sleep here."_

_"Don't try to pull my arm out, curly. I still need that."_

_I can hear him giggling._

*

**Harold:** _Are you?_

 **You:** _Yeah_

 **You:** _I just heard I'm the one in charge of cooking tonigt_

 **You:** _*tonight_

 **Harold:** _Oh_

After coming home Louis found out there were enough ingredients to make himself some macaroni, which meant he didn't have to walk to the supermarket. That was of course a good thing, because Louis could spend his entire afternoon watching a movie, having a smoke, then changing into some more comfortable trousers, having lunch, going for a walk with Clifford again and having another smoke before coming to the realisation it was only 2 P.M. and Louis had done everything he wanted to do.

Why are people usually most excited for a personal day, only to find out it makes you lonely and will turn out pretty boring?

So Louis checked his phone again.

**El <3:** _I'm having a sleep over at Alana's :)_

 **You:** _Alright_

 **You:** _Have fun!_

*

_**You:** I'm staying at Els tonight _

_**Harry** _ **💖** _**:** Okay_

 _**Harry** _ **💖** _**:** See you tomorrow?_

*

His fingers froze as he looked around his living room. The only sound was coming from the clock in the corner _(tick-tack, tick-tack)_.

*

_"Why are you here again?" she crosses her arms and looks like a teacher who catches you running away from class (which I never did of course)._

_I abrubtly stop walking, "I just wanted to come and say hi."_

_"Harry is waiting for you, you know. He's the one you should say hi to, not me." She takes a step in the direction of the front door (tick-tack, tick-tack)._

_"El?" she turns around, with a face that has 'you better have a good explanation for this' written all over it._

_An ant is walking on the light blue floortiles, "can we talk?"_

*

"Why do I keep fooking thinking about this?" Clifford looked up, "It's not like it's relevant anymore."

Louis threw the phone on the sofa, only to pick it up directly after that.

**_Niall and the potatoes_ 🌭 ** _(_ _Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)_

**You:** _I know that weve just had Liams bday prty but is it for you guys possible to hang out anytime soon?_

It took both Liam and Niall 12 minutes to react. 

**_Niall and the potatoes_ 🌭 ** _(_ _Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)_

**Payno:** _Sorry mate_ 🤐

 **Payno:** _I have a lot the upcoming weeks. still have to prepare for th online tour_

 **Nialler:** _Yeah me too_

 **Payno:** _youre not even doing an online tour?_

Louis softened his grip on the phone and looked at the floor again ( _tick-tack, tick-tack)._

**_Niall and the potatoes_ 🌭 ** _(_ _Harold, Nialler, Payno, you)_

**Payno:** [this message was deleted]

 **Nialler:** _Hahahaha_

_(tick-tack, tick-tack)._

*

_"Have you spoken to him?"_

_"Yeah, of course. Well it's rather small talk, but he came over a week ago. And you? Everyday I reckon?"_

_The teasing tone on the last few words is what I remember the most._

_"No." I fix my jacket, "We haven't talked for a year now."_

_The man is slowly furrowing his eyebrows, but I'm not moving. I'm looking at the clock behind him. It's quite a big one (tick-tack, tick-tack)._

_"How so?"_

_"We just kinda stopped talking I guess, you know how it goes."_

_I see in his eyes that he doesn't know how it goes at all, and his slow nod makes me think he is putting pieces together._

_What material are those pieces made of? I wish I knew._

*

Louis looked at his phone screen again, but when he didn't find what he was looking for he laid it beside him. 

*

_"Okay, I have to admit. This is kind of amazing." Admiring the Amsterdamse view around her, she grabs the phone out of my hand._

_I don't see what she's doing with my phone. Probably taking pictures, but I don't know how many. My eyes are focussed on a perculiar bar._

_It's a familiar one._

*

_"Wanna dance?" I hold out my hand, and know what happens in order: first he looks at my eyes, then my hand, and then he smiles. He takes my hand and I drag him towards the dance floor. 'Kiss me' by Ed Sheeran is playing._

_His hand is suddenly holding my cheek and before I know what I'm doing, I lean in. I don't care who's watching. Go away and let me have this moment._

*

Louis had subconsciously grabbed his phone again, and was now staring at the keyboard in front of him. Even if he would look at it the whole day, it won't change if he doesn't touch it. He knew that.

The thing was that he had already typed in multiple messages, but he just hit the backspace button way too often( _Hey, I don't know if you've read it in the groupchat, but I'm a bit bored the upcoming days, so would you mind hanging out with me?/ Hey, how are you mate? Do you maybe want to hang out sometime soon?/ I'm sorry about yesterday. It's okay if you haven't watched me at the X-Factor.)_

*

_I'm looking at the ground. It's dark, so I don't see anything. But that'll always be better than the blinding lights of the thousand cameras surrounding me. I know Harry is walking a few feet before me. I don't want to be faced with him looking back for me though. I don't believe Eleanor is in the car already._

_I follow the footsteps of the man in front of me. The man behind me guides me to the last car. It's a black one. Eleanor is apparently in it, waiting for me. Harry is not._

_I was lying. I do want him to look back for me._

_I look over my shoulder and see him shaking in a car. Why do they leave him shaking in a car? Why can't he sit with me? No one will notice, I promise._

*

**You:** _Hey Harry. I was wondering if maybe you want to hangout anytime? If you dont want it I'll respect that of course. Niall and Liam can't come, you know how busy their lives are :)_


	10. Listen to Niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'When you're with me no judgement,  
> you can get that from everyone else,  
> you don't have to prove nothing,  
> you can just be yourself'
> 
> -No Judgement by Niall Horan

Harry blinked another three times. He increased his screen brightness, but the words only became clearer.

**+07...:** _Hey Harry. I was wondering if maybe you want to hangout anytime? If you dont want it I'll respect that of course. Niall and Liam can't come, you know how busy their lives are :)_

He suddenly felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. It was like his chest had become a river, which was starting to overflow. Strong waves were going to his head, feet and even his fingertips. It made Harry feel lighter, which was probably just because his muscles slowly left his body: his phone dropped on the table.

_**+07...:** 'if you don't want it...'_

*

_Shoving all the documents and magazines off the table, I open up Whatsapp._

_However, I don't move my fingers on the keyboard._

_He won't react. I know he won't._

*

Harry was still staring at the text. With careful taps of his fingers he opened his chat with Niall.

**You:** _Niall?_

 **Niall** : _Im here?_

 **You:** _Can I ask u something?_

 **Niall:** _Sure_

 **Niall:** _Whats up?_

Harry shifted his weight, and stared a few seconds at his left fingernail.

**You:** _Did you make louis to text me?_

 **Niall:** _No...why would I?_

 **You:** _Because I can see you doin that_

 **Niall:** _I would never_

 **Niall:** _sometimes I advise him stuff but Iwould never force him_

 **Niall:** _Its smt between you and him. not mine to solv_

*

_"Just let them be, Niall."_

_Zayn winks at me and gestures Niall to follow him out of the room. Niall complies._

_"I swear that boy is worse than some fans are", Louis laughs and lies back down on the bed. He turns to face me._

*

 **Niall:** _Plus hes wayyyyy too stubborn to ever listen to me (or liam)_

 **Niall:** _bt wait did he text u??_

 **Niall:** _wht did he say?_

Harry typed something and then deleted it.

**You:** _He asked me if we could hang out_

It was quiet for a moment until he got a phone call.

"Ehm, hi Niall?"

_'What did he say exactly?'_

Harry sent Niall the text.

 _'Wow',_ Harry rolled his eyes, as he heard Niall's quick, enthusiastic breathing. _'That I'm allowed to witness this is...I mean, he first asked all three of us to hang out, but-'_

"Thanks Niall."

 _'HAHAHAHAHA',_ Harry once again held the phone away from his ear, _'no, but seriously H, you wouldn't have done the same, right?.'_

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

Niall's tone became softer again, so Harry carefully held the phone up to his ear again.

_'Well, let's say you wanted to hang out with us and everyone responded with 'no' except for Louis.'_

"Yeah, go on."

_'Would you text him personally then? To ask if he was up for it?'_

Harry's eyes raced from the floor to the guitar in the corner to nothing in particular in a split second. 

His lips parted and started whispering, "no, I wouldn't." His eyes were still fixated on something he wasn't actually looking at. It simply wasn't interesting enough at that moment.

As to prove a point, Niall kept quiet.

"But you know why I'd never do that. It's not that I don't want to."

 _'I know Haz. I'm not accusing you of anything.'_ Harry could hear him smiling, _'It's just that Louis has his reasons as well.'_

"What do you mean." Harry finally saw that the thing he was looking at was a football. "He was the one who didn't want _me_ anymore."

_'I think it's a bit more complicated than that.'_

"Oh yeah, I forgot. He was rather snogging her and holding _her_ hand in places where _we_ had once gone to together, than that he just- stayed at home with me."

_'Maybe he's thinking differently now.'_

"Sure. I saw a picture of them a few days ago, still madly in love with each other of course."

_'Just text me how it went, yeah?'_

"Alright." Harry lowered his tone, "thanks Niall."

 _'You're welcome, mate.'_ He hung up.

**+07...:** _Hey Harry. I was wondering if maybe you want to hangout anytime? If you dont want it I'll respect that of course. Niall and Liam can't come, you know how busy their lives are :)_

Harry opened his chat with Louis.

**You:** _Yeah sure._

 **You:** _When would be a good time for you?_

From the moment Harry said that, nothing touchable was appealing for him anymore, except for his phone. That's why he brought it with him everywhere he went.

He went upstairs to do the laundry, because why not, while his phone was lying next to him on the ironing board. While watching tv, his phone was kept in eyesight on the table before him. And of course, everytime he changed from time-waster, he checked it in case he missed it somehow. 

It was 6:01 P.M. when the thought of food started to become appealing to him.

**+07...:** _Do you think tomorrow is okay?_

Harry began preparing dinner, humming along with the typical autumn themed songs on the radio.

**You:** _That's fine by me._

 **You:** _Where actually?_ 😅

 **+07...:** _at yours?_

 **You:** _Sure_

 **+07...:** _See you tomorrow then_

 **You:** _See you_

Harry started eating his vegan curry. Although the song that was playing on the radio at the moment was far from cheerful, he couldn't get the smile off his face.

* * *

After getting a suggestion from Niall that basically said: 'Don't waste too much time on deciding what to wear', Harry spent almost an hour searching for the outfit that screams: 'I didn't try at all, but I at least look healthy'. Harry was pretty content with it actually: the purple jumper still fits him.

He looked at the clock. He still had four (+15 more, because Louis had a habit of showing up late) minutes to decide whether or not he would leave the radio on.

And if he should put on his shoes or not. If he put them on, would that seem like he was trying or just being polite? But if he was walking with just his socks on, would that make him look like a ridiculous wanderer?

Harry looked at his socks. They were red and decorated with christmas trees. Each tree had a smiley face...

Faster than Niall broke his neck when he was asked about RBB and SBB, Harry started running up the stairs to change his socks. He wasn't even midway yet when he heared the door bell.

_Riiiiiiing._

For Louis' doing it was a very polite sound. Harry tried not to think about what that meant for them. He was mainly in debate with himself whether he should continue to run (which could save his life), or if he should just open the door and accept the fact that he was doomed.

Difficult issue.

But after a few seconds of debating, he knew he was too late. So he opened the door.

Louis was wearing a hat. And Harry could still see his hair from underneath it.

"Hey." Louis' voice sounded a bit small.

They looked at each other.

"I like your hat."

"Thanks", Louis shifted on his left leg, "I was actually wearing it, so that I wouldn't get sick."

"Oh yeah." Harry scratches his head. "You, ehm, wanna come in?"

"Otherwise I wouldn't be standing here in front of your door, right?" Louis chuckled, but it had some kind of lightness to it. 

Harry opened the door further, and made sure they kept their distance by standing behind it. Louis walked in.

"I like your house."

"You do? Yeah, it's kind of big I guess." 

Louis followed Harry to the kitchen, and Harry was praying that there would be a crab or an ant or maybe just a Liam or a Niall waiting for them in the next room, so they could shift the conversation to something that was not made out of awkward compliments.

There wasn't. In fact, it was just them standing in a kitchen as though they've never been in one together before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is the 28th :)  
> Thank you once again for catching up with this story. It really means a lot to me.  
> If you have any suggestions or would just like to say something, don't be shy and tell me  
> Anyway, I'm excited for tomorrow. It would actually be a good excuse to get a cake or something haha


	11. Authors note (important)

Hello beautiful people,

I find it hard to say, but I won't continue writing this story on a weekly basis. That's because I'm getting really busy with other things, and I don't want to post a chapter because I'm feeling like I have to. I think the most beautiful part of writing is that you feel like you're stepping in a whole other dimension each time you pick up the book, and I don't feel that way right now. I have no idea if I will resume it again in a few weeks, so if anyone of you would really like to continue writing this in my place, you can contact me. 

I'm sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think and if you have any suggestions, I'd be glad to hear them! 
> 
> I'll be updating once a week on saturdays. :)


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